My husband is 67 and I am 63. We have been married for 43 years. He had a stroke in 2003 and while he suffered no real debilitating side effects other than aphasia, his mobility has declined over the past 14 years to the point that he is now bedridden and unable to stand or walk. 6 neurologists have not been able to diagnose him with any obvious disease or conditions beyond needing a left hip replacement (he had the right hip replaced 4 years ago and it had no effect on his mobility). He cannot have the HR because he has atrial fibrillation and anesthesia would be too risky. He has had occupational and physical therapy at least 3 times and was in a rehab facility for 4 months this year. Each time he has had therapy, he makes little to no progress and Medicare will not pay to continue his therapy since he shows no continual progress. He does not do any exercises the therapists recommend and just watches television 17 hours a day, 7 days a week. He believes his immobility is psychological, but we are unable to find a psychiatrist or counselor who makes house calls and hubby is unable to get in and out of a car. Going to the doctor is a major event on our local community bus and my son has to come over to help get 300+ lb. dad back up the handicap ramp. Last time we went, I was so scared rolling him down the ramp, I was almost in tears. Making our home handicap accessible is not in the cards. We do not qualify financially for any sort of aid including lifts, shower remodeling, etc. We pay $135 a month that we don't have to rent a Sit to Stand lift so I can transfer him from bed to chair. It is difficult to maneuver, and he becomes panicked and yells at me.
I get up every morning with the thought of how much I hate my life. Every day is like the movie "Groundhog Day". I have no energy for cleaning or fixing up my house. Some days, I don't even shower and stay in my p.j.'s all day. I drink too much and too often. I am severely depressed. I have the number of a therapist my doctor referred me to, but I'm not sure just talking about my situation will change it. I have two grown children and they help me as much as they can but they have their own busy lives. Day to day I am on my own. Moving to a condo or assisted living would mean dumping my animals and my dog is often my only comfort. We've had home health aides, but as with the therapist, once they go, I am again on my own with hubby. Last time a bath aid came, as soon as she left he had a bowel movement and I had to wash and change him and the bed again. I am truly at my wits end with not knowing what to do. Along with the alcohol issues, I have also developed high blood pressure and fibromyalgia. How do I continue on?