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I do not think she is getting proper care where she is at. They are doing nothing except let her sit all day. I do not want to make her life worse by moving her.

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Change can be hard on a person with dementia.

Inadequate care can be hard on a person with dementia.

What kind of facility it is? How long has she been there.

No care center can force people to participate in activities. The important question in judging a facility is do they encourage participation? Do they invite and remind and suggest? My mother was wheelchair bound in a NH. A couple times a day a staff person would poke their head in Mom's room, or locate her in a community room and remind her it was time for the accordion show, or the jewelry making activity or the gardening hour, etc. To our amazement she almost always let them wheel her to the location! Her roommate, on the other hand, got the same reminder service but she almost never participated in anything. If your mother is saying "no" to leaving her room where she is, how can you be sure she will say "yes" in a new place?

Are there other ways in which you feel the care isn't proper?
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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One more question: how certain are you that the facility you'd like to move her to is going to perform better?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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I never visit the same day or times. The unit is short staffed, but the ones that are there do not give the clients any variety or things to do. They are always chit-chatting with each other. The activity lady does not even give the option of doing anything but sit. When we first put her there the activity girl was really good with them but she is no longer there. The unit is very outdated and not very clean. They do not check on the clients unless they do not come to dining area to eat. I stay 2 hours or more at least 1 time a week at different times and days. I have toured the facility I am thinking of moving to and it appears they have lots of help and lots of activity to keep their minds active.
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Reply to lovemom1932
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There was a very interesting show on PBS just last night called Living With Alzheimer’s and Dementia. It shared the story of a woman with dementia who was in a facility that did not give her opportunity for socializing. So the family scoped out other places and once they moved her to one that did she became a different and happier person. So yes it can be helpful depending on on what stage your mom is in and how aware she is of her surroundings. And yes, change is always hard on dementia cases but if she may have many more years to live it might be worthwhile. It is hard to see them just languish in their chair. I have the activity director mail me the monthly calendar so I can see what is planned. You might go when an activity is happening and see what is going on and take your mom. See how she does.
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Reply to Harpcat
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I did move my mom from a memory care to a regular nursing home, and it has worked out very well. She adjusted quickly and seems happier. The staff seem happier here, food better, place is cleaner and brighter with the added bonus of being less expensive. I'm there daily, and there are many activities they take her to, even though she's pretty much out of it at this point. No place you find will be perfect, but it was a relief to find this smaller nonprofit nursing home for my mom.
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Reply to anonymous144432
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Here's a way to make the move smoother. If you can, work with a senior move manager. Arrange for them to move Mom while she is out of the building - you take her out somewhere (if you can) or arrange that using a non-emergent handicap transport (if needed), etc. While she's away, have the move managers move her stuff and arrange it as much like the previous location as possible. Then, "return home" at the new place. Of course, you'll have to use your judgment whether this could work.
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Reply to LaurenBond
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Trust your instincts that she's not getting proper care and move her as soon as possible. We placed my dad in afacility (after hiring a geriatric care manager to help us find that place--complete waste of money) and it turned out to be an understaffed hellhole. We were the only family members that made daily visits to my dad's floor and the staff was not happy to have these new outsiders observing what was going on (e.g., CNAs shouting at patients, parking patients in wheelchairs facing the wall if when they "acted up," patients waiting hours to be fed). I found the new place by calling admissions counselors at 5 places in our area and basically having a conversation with them. The best info I got was from two counselors whose facilities were at capacity. I asked them, "Since you have no room for my dad at your facility, can you give me the names of 2 other facilities where you would place your OWN dad if you had to?" Both people named the place that we ended up transferring him.
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Reply to Violet521
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lovemom, how long has your Mom been at her current facility? Is the facility a Memory Care? Will the new place have Memory Care?

Just curious, do you visit Mom at the same time with each visit? You might want to visit at a different time. I remember one writer here on the forums had visited her Mom at a different time and found her Mom enjoying the activities and laughing with a group of other residents. Prior to that, her Mom would grumble how she hated the place, etc.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I just moved my mom from an assisted living facility to an adult foster care home (5 to 2 ratio of care) for the same cost. My mother was treated the same way, but left for hours alone, lost a huge amount of weight (I live out of country) and became very sickly. I thought it would be horrible to move her as she insisted everything was ok. It was the best decision I have ever made. She is thriving, engaging with others, and smiling again. She is healthy now and in a safe environment. It took about a week to adjust. I wish the best for you.
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Reply to lbissell
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I would move her. My Mom could no longer carry a conversation. Her brain was jumping all around. She sat in a real nice Gerri chair all day long. I requested she not be left in her room. She didn't like to be alone. The chair was padded with side pieces next to each side of her head. When she went to sleep, her head rested on the side pieces and the back reclined. This way she was kept in the common room most of the time. Even though she couldn't participate in all activities, they got her involved in the ones she could. There were activities every day and a movie before dinner. The residents were allowed to walk around or scoot if in wheelchairs thru the whole facility. Mom had two former AL residents there and they looked and acted better than at the AL.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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