My parents live in another state and will not sell their home and move into my home or closer to any of their children. Any advice?

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They have a bedbug infestation I've tried to take care of for over a year but failed because I'm in another state and didn't know the pest control company was taking me for my money. My mother doesn't seem to care about the bugs. My parents need to have supervision but will not allow anyone to take them from their home or come into the home to help! I feel completely helpless! My mother has dementia but my father seems to be well mentally but will not bathe and cannot walk. My brother has been in their home for years but is an alcoholic on disability so when his money is gone they are paying for the beer. I don't know where to start legally to help them, can anybody help guide me?

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I wouldn't be too quick to blame the contractor. Any pest control company is going to rely on the co-operation of the householder when it comes to avoiding reinfestation. If mother was just popping the pillows straight back on the bed once he'd gone...
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Reply to Countrymouse
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This would be something to consider, very seriously as it might set off a chain of events for governmental intervention, and you might regret it.

The county health department might become involved b/c of the bedbug situation. It's detrimental to your parents' health, and the county may have jurisdiction to come in and clean up the bug situation, hiring its own contractor.

I would also report the bed bug contractor. I'm assuming that chemicals were used and that companies using dangerous chemicals need to be licensed.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Patti, can you take a week or so and go stay in their town? Taking care of these things in person may be more effective and observing them may give you some new clues. Do NOT sleep there! Check your clothes carefully for bedbugs each time you leave their house.

APS seems to me to be the appropriate agency to get involved.

This kind of helpless feeling is terrible! I hope you find at least partial solutions, such as ridding the house of bedbugs.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Get in touch with the social services in your parents' area and report the situation. Area Agency on Aging if you want general advice on support services, APS (Adult Protective Services) if you feel it's got beyond that and needs urgent attention.

I expect your mother is as fed up with being dined on as any other person would be; but when you have tried and failed to get rid of pests it's more despair than not caring.

Your father has a lot on his plate. I expect that clearing their home, selling it, moving, helping your brother make new plans all seems like an impossibly big project and he just can't cope with the thought of it.

As well as finding support for them where they are, what research have you done into options for their future accommodation and care?

I suspect you will shortly get several pages of replies telling you not to move them into your home! What facilities or communities are available near you or any of your parents' other children, have you got as far as looking?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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jeannegibbs May 26, 2018
CM, you are right about probably not being able to cope with the idea of moving. I have decided that my house is too large for me. What is holding me back is the idea of downsizing my possessions, making upgrades to the house for sale-ability, handling the proceeds of the sale, etc. If I could just be moved and appear in my new place, I'd be much more likely to do it! It is the process that is so daunting.
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