Just placed mom in ARCH, she keeps asking caregiver when I'm coming back for her, what can I say to her? - AgingCare.com

Just placed mom in ARCH, she keeps asking caregiver when I'm coming back for her, what can I say to her?

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We took my mom out of a neglected, mentally & abusive home 5 months ago, she shared with my brother. I knew she deserved better. Tried so hard to help her become part of our family, but she only insisted she live with him. He doesn't work, only wants her money & a place to live (which she pays for, inc. all utilities). All contact with him has been cut off cause he is very unstable & aggressive. Mom & brother had plans to get another place (prior to placement). Unfortunately, I couldn't tell mom I was placing her (she told me she'd never go.) I only have medical POA, but couldn't allow her to return to a terrible life she doesn't remember. She's worried he can't find her now, & why I don't like him. She has been given meds. Caregiver says I should call mom. What do I say to mom? I'm sure she'll be very upset with me. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

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Oh, 97yr, no POA, brother conditioned her to not sign anything. If things get worse legally, per Adult Protective Services, I have to get guardianship which I really don't want.
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Thank you! Placed mom just 4 days ago, so yes, confused. Had geriatric nurse check with caregiver, but caregiver said she can handle mom at the moment. Mom will likely be very upset if I won't bring her back, and be agitated after the call & take it out on caregiver. I'll wait a few weeks before I call so mom has time to adjust. Great advice on what to say! Mom was renting, so she knows that's gone. Thank you so very much for comfort & encouragement!
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How long has your mom been in her new home?
If you only have medical POA, who has financial POA?
Poor mom, she must be very confused aside from her dementia. Moving twice in five months, missing her children. I hope you can see her soon to reassure her.
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I feel for you. It is so hard to put a parent in a home, but you did the right thing.

If you tell your mom the truth, she won't understand or remember and it will hurt her. So, you have to LIE to her. Make it a good pleasant lie. Nothing bad so she will not worry even more.

Regarding your brother, come up with a pleasant story on why he isn't available: he got a good job out of town, or on vacation. Nothing bad or your mom will worry about her son. As for her home, maybe tell her it's got termites and the whole house needs to be tented, or you're putting in new carpet/flooring so the house isn't available until the job is done, or the utility company need to rewire/repipe the whole neighborhood and there is not gas/electricity/water. This actually happened in my neighborhood. Electric company had to replace ALL the poles, and there were several in front of my house, and one in the backyard, so our street didn't have electricity for almost a week.

I hope your mom will settle in her new place, and maybe make some friends. Try to be cheerful when you talk to her, she'll take the cue from you and be less worried or upset.
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