How do you deal with a spouse that verbally trashes you non-stop for three hours running?

Your spouse has dementia.
This behavior will not get better. It will probably get worse.
If she is not on medication to help with anxiety, depression you should talk to her doctor.
Making the decision to place someone in Memory Care is not an easy decision. I said I would care for my Husband at home as long it was safe to do so. Safe for HIM and safe for ME. Safety is not just physical safety but mental, emotional safety as well. It sounds like it is no longer safe for you to care for your wife at home. She may be better with caregivers. You could try that. But it may be that you have to place her in a facility that can provide for her needs 24/7/365.

Dementia often reaches the point where in home care becomes unmanageable for the spouse to handle. Behaviors require a team approach by caregivers working in 24/7 shifts who aren't emotionally invested in personal relationships with these elders. If you burn out or wind up dying first due to stress, God forbid, what happens to her then? She goes to Memory Care Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing ANYWAY. Why not make the choice now and spare yourself the trauma that's headed your way with the upcoming care and maintenance required with dementia? My mother thrived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years where she received great care from "her girls" and my husband and I were able to have our own lives as well.

Best of luck to you.

Shadow, I think I understand--your wife with dementia is berating you and blaming you for her dementia, yes?

Is this new behavior? If so, get her tested immediately for a UTI. These can cause psychiatric symptoms.

If this is her typical behavior, it behooves you, for BOTH of your sakes to get her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. She needs meds for agitation and anxiety.

No one should be subjected to this kind of verbal abuse.

I wouldn’t be able to stick around that long for it. I’d have to take breaks and leave the room or go outside for a bit. I’d have to ask the neurologist if meds could calm the behaviors and make home life more pleasant. I’d have to consider my own emotional and physical health and decide if her living in memory care would be better for the both of us. I wish you peace

Burntcargiver would know exactly how to handle people like your wife and get her to stop. Wish she was around right now to advise you.

Barb,
I think that the first word should have been, “She”.

Autocorrect sure does create confusion!

She’s lost her mind and belongs in full time dementia care now. That’s the bottom line.

Ask her doctor to help you deliver the news. Don’t warn wife ahead of time. Have options ready - you go visit some places beforehand and don’t tell wife. Let her scream and yell, berate and blame, but she’s going there anyway.

Be firm. You don’t deserve to live like this. Very sad situation, but she’s the one who has been changed by this illness and she deserves to be cared for by professionals who can provide better care than you can at this stage of disease.

This is new behavior?

Try to detach from this because you can't reason with them due to cognitive impairment. Don't know if you are responding but say nothing or something bland like oh or that's too bad.

Agree with sending them to a memory care facility. It's best for both of you.

I am very confused?

Are you the caregiver?

Who is verbally abusing you?

Who is the patient?

If this is new behavior in a dementia patient, consider that a UTI may be to blame.

Limit your exposure. Walk out of the room.

If the person who is "trashing" you is not someone with dementia, tell them to F off and tell them to leave the premises.