Chevalier Asked April 2023
Undiagnosed mental health of senior mother when adult daughter reaches out for help from senior mother's PCP?
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makes me look bad by pushing buttons she created, in 2020, her PCP did not diagnose her but diagnosed me saying "mothers are like that, mothers will do that" and wanted me on anti-depressants and blamed my reaction to her on my stage of menopause and my twenty years of sobriety. I have been with her for 15 of those years. so strange that it is acceptable to treat daughters this way in 2023. wow! either marry and be treated this way by your husband or do not marry and be treated this way by your mother/brother/father. caregiving is the gutter of sexism. at least i am sober to see it for what it is. maybe we could start a "sober family caregiver group"
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I bet you really had to bite your tongue by those remarks. Either that or you were in such shock over the ignorance and insensitivity of someone who is supposed to be professional that you were caught completely off guard. I’m sure his comments made you feel awful.
I would have been furious to hear comments like you heard from my mom’s PCP when I was her caregiver. I was fortunate that my mom’s PCP was sensitive to my position as a caregiver, as well as being sensitive to my mother’s needs as her patient.
Mom’s last doctor was a woman. Her previous doctors that were men never did this either though.
You are right that so many people expect daughters to always care for their mothers. Mothers usually expect more from their daughters than they do from their sons. It’s very difficult to be a caregiver. Often times, people don’t have a clue how hard it truly is to be a caregiver.
I want to congratulate you on your many years of sobriety! I know that there must be many times that you are tempted. You’re doing great 👍! It’s a daily struggle and you are managing to cope. I am impressed.
There are people who have struggled with addictions on this site and I hope they reach out to you.
I grew up with an older brother who was an addict. I hoped that he would have been able to reach sobriety and stay there but he would get clean, then relapse. He was a great guy when he was clean.
Sadly my brother’s lifestyle caught up with him and he died many years ago. It was very painful to watch him struggle with his addiction. I wish you peace as you continue on in your recovery and your caregiving journey.
One last thing, do you have Medical Power of Attorney so that you can freely speak with your mom’s doctor in private about particular concerns?
I found that it was easier to discuss certain concerns on the phone with the doctor privately, then they are not speaking in front of your mother. Plus, then your mom doesn’t have the chance to interrupt your discussion in a potentially negative way.
Maybe the PCP was trying to turn your focus more on yourself? Rather than Mom. (Afterall, it is only yourself & your own reactions you really have control over).
My Mother can order about & fuss without tiring for a long long day.. so I limit my exposure to it.
Do you have much time apart from your Mother?