I'm sick myself and the help caring for my Mom is an issue. How do I not lose my temper?


I am primary caregiver but am sick myself so have others AT A HUGE COST; and full home care.
I am really losing my patience (not with my mother) but have to REPEAT OVER AND OVER and it is never done
And much worse.

I do not want this person to leave but I really don't know how not to lose my patience!

I need advice on not losing my temper

I have to do EVERYTHING (except for hands on) and am housebound

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XTANATX I think these so call caregivers are unprofessional to be arguing with each other, dirty looks, undermining each other -- these are actions that may be unspoken! Caregivers need to agree on everything, publicly or otherwise. Hello! find new ones, report them and if they are speaking another language in front of you and your mother that is wrong too sorry just saying. Speak English so everyone knows what is going on. If your Mom prefers one over the other keep her loose the other one.
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Xtanatx, sounds like your live-in is starting to get burnt out. With only 2 hours off per day, that doesn't even give her enough time for her own doctor or dentist appointment, nor time to meet up with her friends.

Does the live-in return to her own home every weekend as you mentioned she was late coming in on Sundays. Could it be she attends church on Sunday mornings?

What is your Mom's condition? Would it be easier for everyone, including yourself, depending on Mom's condition, to have her in a retirement home? Or would you lose the cleaning, cooking, and care that you BOTH receive?
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Thank you so much!
I have had to hide every other product.

“You can translate your instruction on the internet, it is free. Give both the English and foreign version because the translation may not be exact.”
I did not know that!

I will try that!

She gets a lot more time off. She comes 3 hours late every Sunday. She is given 2 hours per day off. (Although due to the Sunday “lapse” I had to cancel Monday’s PSW because I would have to pay for the extra time and I canNOT. She was aware of this but somehow forgot but tomorrow she has to do something really important.
On Wednesday she has to do something with an Id (which was already the excuse in January) So I get that day too. She did promise to get someone and pay however this has been forgotten.
I really wonder if she’s going for interviews….

I am physically a mess and cannot do things
So these days off are really hard.

Thank you!
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Thanks, Veronica91, if that list is for the live-in, then that would make more sense.... but I still feel it's still a lot of chores to do during the week.
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I think the work list is for the live in not the 2 hr person.
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I still think that is a lot of work for one person to do within 2 hours.

What is required on that list for every day or every other day, I just do once a week, if that, and I feel the house is clean enough..... and I have dust allergies. Now if Martha Stewart was going to pay me a visit, that's a different story :)
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Well I know what I would do with that list!!!!!!!!!!!!
Simplify it
Keep only the cleaning products you want used in the house
List those products and their purpose ie toilet brush handle with disposable head one in each bathroom.
Clean bathrooms daily
Wipe counters and mop kitchen floor every afternoon.
Change bed linens, towels etc every ? your choice
Thoroughly clean upstairs rooms Tues and Thurs, downstairs Wed and Fri.
Tidy, empty bins and dust daily.
It won't be perfect but also does not insult anyone's intellegence.
As far as the diet is concerned.
Work with a dietitian and come up with a simple menu for mother. Unless the caregiver needs to diet if you require her to eat with mother she should have the same menu but have additional food available in the kitchen or her room.
You can translate your instruction on the internet, it is free. Give both the English and foreign version because the translation may not be exact.
Your LI should have at least 1 1/2 days free per week and a couple of hours in the afternoon.
There should not be much need for interaction between the LI and ourside help unless they need to co-operate over mothers care ie lifting.
You may need to lower your standard a little to achieve peace in the house and reduce your own stress. Don't be breathing down their necks the whole time and they may surprise you. If not time for a staff change.
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vstefans, I know what you mean about going behind hubby to clean up the kitchen :) Have the same problem, he's all finished doing the dishes but when I go in the kitchen I noticed he tends to forget the cooking pans from top of the stove.... [sigh].
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PSW's don't do any of that stuff. That is housework. A "personal support worker" takes care of the patient only. Read the agency contract. If you have a Live-In this should all be part of a written contract on day one. It would actually create less friction if the responsibilities are clearly divided and only the L_I does the housework. No finger pointing and yelling. If the L_I can't understand English, you need a translator for sure.
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XTANATX, just honest feedback, that is a little too much specific detail - they are probably terrifed they will do something out of order or wrong and OMG what if they flush only 5 times not 6... You may do better to specify the things you do NOT want - e.g. "no bleach, we are sensitive" and don't keep any handy either. I have cleaning people once a month and they are not perfect, but they do a nice job and they do it their way - for example, I actualy *like* bleach and Tilex to kill mold dead because I am more allergic to mold than irritated by chlorine...but they use the stuff that they like. They might even feel insulted by being specifically instructed to clean the dish racks, though I am sure you wrote that because you found someone had not done it at least once. .

Years ago I almost laughed when a colleague of mine who used a cleaning service more often commented about how they "weren't as thorough as I would be" but I knew to bite my tongue, because what that reflects is just the guilt of not being able to do it all ourselves. Reality is that you can't totally have it done your way unless you are either doing it yourself, or you are Donald Trump. And yes, I will have to keep saying that to myself when I go behind hubby and clean out the sink drain, microwave the dish sponge that still has food particles and is starting to smell, and put away everything from all over the counter, after he claims he has "done the dishes"... LOL.
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