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Mine is a little bit different story, dad was living a pampered life for 4 years with 24/7 personal caregivers at home... now his money is all but gone and I moved him to a beautiful facility that his long term care insurance will cover... he is acting awful, hates everything, won't eat or sleep. I can't even stand to talk to him it is so stressful and painful for me. He insisted on staying home for all those years knowing that his money was running out, but somehow now everything is my fault. I am moving forward with selling his home so I can replenish his bank account... that is the ultimate crime in his mind. I know he is selfish and spoiled but I also know that if he dies in the next few months I will feel like I caused it.

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You are doing the right thing.... otherwise, what are the other options?.... he live alone in his home?.... so you choose the best possible care for him with "professionally" trained people, where he can be with other people of his generation. It sounds like it will take him time to adjust.

I have a feeling I will be dealing with the same thing with my mother when that time comes. She's had a pampered life, too, very spoiled. Dad on the other hand is the total opposite, he'd be happy anywhere you put him :]
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Yes, big hugs to you. You have treated your dad with love and compassion and that's the most any of us can ask. Your dad is lucky to have you. He's adjusting and it will take a while. Or he may never adjust and settle in, but that's NOT your fault. It is what it is. Your dad's money has run out to stay home, so you've done the best thing and most loving thing you could do given his finances. He's lucky to have you, whether he knows it/expresses it to you or not.
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I know you know this is not your fault, and that that doesn't help much, but there isn't anything else to say about it. You've handled it properly, this is not your fault. Good advice to hang tough (ish) until he settles in, which God willing he will do. He's not angry with you, he's angry with the situation he finds himself in. Don't be a convenient target.

Hmmm… does he respond to flattery? Because he's done well to fund that level of care for so long, AND he had the foresight to take out good insurance cover. That was good planning on somebody's part - what about telling him how clever it/he was?!

Don't torture yourself thinking he will imminently decline and fall. You haven't moved him because his health deteriorated, it was a financial decision: the odds are he will continue quite happily or even possibly improve, thanks to more sociable surroundings. It's a horrible transition, very stressful, but you've done it all correctly. Let this rough time pass and all will be well. Big hug.
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If he was a wartime vet, the VA may help pay for it, providing he needs some assistance with ADL's (activities of daily living). There is a transition period when they move in, and to encourage him to get into the mix there, you need to limit visits to once a week. His MD could prescribe a med for sleep and maybe a mild antidepressant so he takes less time to adjust. Nothing is your fault, the ravages of old age will catch up to all of us. He is mad at being old, don't hang around when the anger is directed at you.
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