My Aunt's over 80 yrs old. She lives alone in her own home as she demands to do. She has no family or friends to help care for her. She decided yrs ago to never have children. In a way this is the result of not having children. She has knowone willing to help her. Is why I decided to help her.I felt sorry for her. She called me on the phone one day asking for help is how I came involved with her. She has dementia. But, I was told she is still compatent by her doctor. But, truth be told, I feel she is in bad shape. Forgetting many things, living conditions ect. Again, I felt sorry for her is why I became involved. I was told by her attorney she will need a POA before she gets any worse. So, I agreed to be her DPOA.
Every other day or everyday I go visit my Aunt to make sure she is ok and make sure she has groceries. I clean her house, help her pay her bills, Bath her when she needs it, wash her cloth ect. I do everything as any other caregiver does. I don't ask for money and my Aunt doesn't give me a dime for me helping her. I'm saving her tons of money doing what I do for her. She tells me she don't ever want to go into a nurcing home. I agreed to follow her wishes. But, it's hard to do. By right's she needs to be in a nurcing home. She urines all over her home. Her home just smells of Urine. She refuses to buy a thing to help her self. As example a simple bed pan or a tolet chair to help with her issues. By me helping her as her caregiver I'm saving her tons of money and saving her money from going to a nurcing home. She agreed to Will me her home when she dies. Her home is valued at $60,000. She has about $50,000 in her bank. If she would go into a nurcing home, that $50,000 would be gone in 1 or 2 yrs. Then, Medicaid would go after her home to pay for further healthcare. So, for me to look forward in getting her home when she dies is not a lucky chance.
My Aunt is using her Will as a hook to hook me in to help her. As example, if you help me? I'll give you my home when I die. At the time it sounded good!.. But, now I'm coming to realize that I may never get her home. In order for me to get her home? I must attempt to keep her out of a nurcing home and off of Medicaid. What lucky chance is that happening? She may out live me lol. Many elderly people use Wills to obtain free help. As this Aunt is doing to me. Did I agree to help her out of greed? No. I was helping her before the Will. My issues, I'm learned I can't be her caregiver anymore for free. I'm spending over $160 per month just in gas out of my own pocket without any type of reinbursement. Not including my time in hours I put in helping her. I'm in a spot so to speak, if I stop helping her. She don't have anyone else willing to help her. But, I don't have the money to keep going on with this. The back of my mind tells me to keep going in hopes to get her home when she dies. But, the way things look I may never get that either. She only has $50,000. Even if she would never go into a nurcing home. $50,000 be lucky to last her another 5 yrs. I was told to place the house in a Medicaid Trust. That would be fine if she stays out of a nurcing home for the next 5 yrs. But, I don't think that would be happening. My Aunt is very tight with her money. She refuses to spend a dime for her needs to keep living alone in her home. She doesn't reinburse me for any of my cost I spend for her. I hear of many people recieving homes in a inheritance. That's how over half of the people get homes given to them is from inheritance. Recieving a home in a inheritance is like a winning lottery ticket. No more rent or morgage. I rent, I don't own or have a morgage. I lost my home during 9/11 from forecloser. Back then, there was no help for people losing their homes in 2011. For me to receive my Aunt's home in a inheritance would be my lottery ticket. But, I must say bye, bye to that lottery ticket. Becuase, I can't afford to keep helping my Aunt. The hardest part in all of this is giving up helping my Aunt. I have no other choice but, to give up helping her. I don't have the money to keep going on with this anymore. Darn if I do, Darn if I don't.
What should I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Dogabone you keep asking the same question over and over in this forum. You've gotten lots of advice from lots of us fellow caregivers, which you evidently don't like. What don't you like about the answers you've already gotten from members on here? We've all taken our time to give you answers, but you're ignoring all of them and just posting the same question over and over. What more do you need from us? What are we missing?
Helpful Answer (1)

dogabone, give it up. You can't help someone in that condition.
Helpful Answer (1)

Do you really want to be held hostage by an inheritence that is worth maybe sixty thousands dollars if you are lucky enough to receive it? Is it worth taking that chance at the expense of what you are going through? Only you can decide if a house has a higher value than how you live your life.
Helpful Answer (0)

Are you doing this to help your aunt or doing it for the money? You seem to think the answer is "a bit of both" - sorry, it doesn't work like that.

You either:
a) decide you will help your aunt, return to her doctor, explain the concerns you've outlined above, revisit the competence issue and get it settled (if your aunt is neglecting herself, that'll do the trick), and then use your DPOA to spend her money on her care;
b) hand her over to APS with a full report of what you believe her care needs are, wash your hands of it and walk away.

In both cases, you won't end up with much money, if any. But you won't be spending your own money on her care, and still finding the job impossible.

Those are your choices, good luck.

PS Keep receipts. If you've laid out money on major items, you should be able to reclaim it.
Helpful Answer (1)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter