Follow
Share

My dear father passed away in October. I'm just getting around to writing some thank yous and communicating in general. I am still the caregiver for mom.

Dad's passing was followed by a whirlwind of insanity. While we thought we had a will, it apparently was not considered "legal." Both our car payments were in dad's name. Once the death certificates went out... they were both repossessed. It didn't matter that payments were up to date. Stuck in the middle of rural NY we took the money for the burial plot and bought a cheap car. Mom and I thought it would bother us to have dad's remains in the house... but we were wrong.

Our home loan is in dad's name as well, though mom is named on the deed. We worry what will happen. We pay the mortgage faithfully and have put the house on the market. It would be grand to move closer to civilization and not worry about upkeep. We are on a list for senior housing and have decided that when we get the call, we will move. We cannot afford two places, so once again worry stalks us. What happens if we sell the house, and there is no housing openings?

We have applied for foodstamps and HEAP because now we only have half the income since dad's passing. It is taking foreveeerrrrrrr. I work a part-time job because mom needs help with daily care. We can't afford an aide. We have used of our savings just to live. Many folks think that only lazy people, addicts, and drunks use social services to support their habits. This is not true. I have worked my whole life and paid outrageous income tax as a single person. I would like to think that there is some help for me, now that I am in need.

Hindsight is a great thing. Mom and I have just bought life insurance and named each other as beneficiaries on checking accounts. I've contacted legal aide for help with the house and getting our own wills drawn up.

Grief comes in waves. I miss dad so much. The comic relief, the intelligent conversations. He was my go to guy when I needed a break from caring for mom. He loved her very much and mom is finding it hard to face each day without the love of her life.

Dear God, some days I am just so tired. After a day of secular work, my day is just beginning at home... you caregivers know what I mean. Still, I walk by dad's empty room, and miss his daily care routine. I miss him calling me in the middle of the night when he needed something. I worry about not giving mom my best because I'm exhausted physically and emotionally.

The last words we shared were, "I love you." We were blessed in that, and that he was able to die with dignity at home. Dad would want us to be secure and find some happiness until we are reunited.

I'm trying not to worry too much, but can't help wondering... what's next?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
countrymouse, I refused to pay the lawyer without a bill. Aside from consultation, he has not done any actual work for us. I have called him a number of times. Figured if this was an example of services, I was better off without him.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Um. I hope it wasn't that same lawyer who's walked off with your thousand dollars who also told you the will wasn't valid, was it? Have you tried contacting him (probably a silly question, sorry)?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thanks for all the feedback, I love you all. We went to a lawyer right after dad died. He said he needed $1000.00 to get the ball rolling. When dad's insurance came through, we paid for cremation and called the lawyer to move ahead. I requested an itemized bill so I would know what I was paying for... have not heard from the lawyer again. I did get a referral to from social services to see legal aid. Money is tight. We did apply for medicaid for mom.

Dad's will was written and notarized, no lawyer involved. I would like to say it states intent. He left everything to mom, both of them named me executor.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Might Mom be eligible for Medicaid? That may provide some in-home help or a day program, so that you can work more. You may even be eligible to receive payment for your caregiving.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Nightmare, you poor thing. Any lawyers involved in drawing up the will? - i.e. anyone you can go back to and kick all round the room? As well as demanding some kind of restitution in terms of helping you out the mess he/she/they created? Agree with PS, and make a habit of the record-keeping whoever you're speaking to. Good luck, be tenacious! And a big hug for your grief.

PS - who would be the executor of the estate if there is no valid will? Who appoints one?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Keep careful records of who you spoke to at the bank, date, time, name and what was said. The Executor should go to the branch and speak with the manager and set up a good rapport. Banks are at the point where they really don't want to foreclose on any more houses, they would rather work things out. I hope you have a lawyer who can help with probate.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The bank refuses to talk to me until we get probate on the house. They told me to keep sending payments.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Have you contacted the bank? When the borrower dies, the loan is due in full. They will take the house unless you arrange to take over the mortgage. Set your priorities to keeping a roof over your head. Start now, call the bank
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter