How do I handle this?


I moved my mom in with my husband and I this past june. I thought it would be wonderful, it has been anything but wonderful. I regret doing this. I dont even want to come home to my own home. She has made me miserable since the day she moved in. She plays mind games, insults me, crys about everything, talks bad about other people, doesn't help around the house, has a you owe me attitude and on and on and on. I feel so miserable, I cant stand being around her. She will be nice one moment and then insult me the next. She calls me a b**ch and even said f*** you to me, she tries to make me look bad in front of my friends. I just want to cry . I find myself ignoring her and avoiding her as much as I can. I moved her in with me because her husband died she was living in arizona and would be by herself and she asked me if she could live with me and my husband and my husband and I agreed to have her and I need to get rid of her for my own sanity and before I hate her. The holidays are almost here and I feel that I should wait until the new year to have her go to a retirement home. How do I stay sane until then?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing


What you do to stay sane is to start researching housing options RIGHT NOW so that you can present them to your mother when you give her notice.

If she resists leaving you may have to go through formal eviction process, so keep that in mind. It is your house and you determine who lives there.

You do not, however, get to determine where Mom lives. She can go to any kind of place she can afford. You can help her explore her options, but you don't get to make the decision -- except that she isn't living in your house.

You cannot go on dreading going to your home. You have tried what your mother ask for. It isn't working. Change it.

And I agree with the others that a complete medical evaluation is a good idea, if she will cooperate.
Helpful Answer (0)

((((((miserable))))). I think you will continue to be if your mum stays with you. Arrangements can be changed, and, IMO, should be in your case. I also think a thorough evaluation is in order. I wonder if your mum has been narcissistic all along. If not, she certainly is not healthy now, and it sounds like more than grief.

It is not fair to you and your husband, What does he think about the situation? You would not be the first person here to have to make this kind if a change.. Don't let guilt get in the way. (((((((hugs)))))
Helpful Answer (1)

What did you think would be wonderful?

Sorry, I've just realised how that question sounds. To clarify, I am NOT mocking you with a sarcastic rhetorical question. What I'd like to get at is the huge gap between your expectations and the reality of having your mother in your house for five months.

So, what was the original idea? What has made it all go horribly pear-shaped? And on the practical front, how old is your mother, and is there anything wrong with her besides bereavement and fear of being alone?
Helpful Answer (2)

You sit down and have a talk with her. "Mom, my house, my rules. Develop some manners around me, or you're going to have to find someplace else to live". This of course only if she has NOT developed dementia. I would insist on a complete workup by a geriatrician as well. If she has a mental illness or dementia, you are not going to be able to care for her on your own, so you need to investigate facilities. Most people would rather be around others of their own age, don't you? In an independent living facility or senior housing, she could have friendships with peers.
Helpful Answer (2)

Get her to senior housing ASAP. They play nicer when they are with people their own age. NOW not after the holidays. You did your best.
Helpful Answer (3)

Oh my, I wish you would have written before you moved her in because I would have told you DON"T DO IT. Well , the horse is out of the barn now. What was her behavior towards you prior to moving in with you ? Is her current behavior different from when she lived by herself?Has she been diagnose with dementia?Has she ever been diagnose with any kind of mental illness? Do you have any siblings that could be helpful.? I know I am asking a lot of questions but I need more info on your situation before I start handing out advice. Since she lives with you I hope you have the legal papers of POA,DPOA and MPOA and a living will on her , if you don't and if she is of "sound" mind I would be adamant that if she wishes to continue to live with you that you must have these legal documents.IF she refuses and hasn't been diagnosed with dementia I would hand her a phone and a phone book and tell her she has 24hrs. to find another place to live(tough love). I had to do this with my very narcisstic mother.what was your relationship with her as a child?What made you think everything would be wonderful? I am not trying to give you a hard time I am just trying get a picture of what kind of relationship you and your mother had prior to her moving in with you.From what you wrote she is at least manipulative "playing mind games" what kind of mind games?Also she seems to have a sense of entitlement from what you wrote, has she always been this way? Please give more info as I think,not sure, but think you are dealing with a person that has a narcissistic personality disorder and this doesn't happen over night, They usually try to move in with the child they think they can manipulate the easiest and they use guilt like a machete.Now I am not saying that is what is going on with your mom, I need more background on what your relationship has been with her prior to moving in with you.Please write back , because I feel really bad for you and she sound a lot like my mom when she moved in with me 2yrs ago and it was the circus from hell until I put some firm boundaries down on her behavior and enforced them.My mom is just an extreme narcissistic person, no dementia. Also look up info on the internet under "daughters of narcisstic mothers" and see if any thing looks familiar to you. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone. Hang in there.You will get replies. Let me know what you find out.
Helpful Answer (2)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.