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A new caregiver was demanding changes and being judgemental concerning logs documentstion and care for my client. I've been with him for almost 7 years now. Home health visits PA and Attorney all say things look good. She really was pushing to make him do things. He is of sound mind. I'll be d*mned if anyone is going to make this man do anything. 87 years old. Some health issues. Wants to pass at home. He is clear a s a bell. Would like to see him at peace, no pressures his dignity, pride and ego intack. I have POA over health and hiring and firing.

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Thank you all for your input. Yes he needs help doing many things and has had a long history of depression as well as obsessive compulsive disorder and can be very oppositional. These issues can be bigger than all the physical issues. Spinal Stinosious, diabetes, renal issues, conjestive heart failure and very bad teeth. Keeping him safe and comfortable and fed is his priority. Keeping himself clean is low on his list. I also am on my own as my husband passed almost 6 years ago. There have been weeks many weeks of 90 hours a week taking care of this client. My time off is spent taking care of my little ranch. Horses dogs and cats. I am mostly last on the list. They don't care if I'm in my jammies. Self neglect is it a conscious decision as long as we are of sound mind? Surely when we have lost that sound mind and can no longer make decisions concerning or personal care is when caregivers shall make those decisions but to do so while he is still clear minded just makes him resentful. So much to consider. Once again thank you.
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I guess it is all a matter of degree. I find house work very tiring these days so I don't do too much but I do keep dishes washed and kitchen and bathroom clean. After a lifetime of getting up early and putting on clothes it is a luxury to sit around all day in a nightgown on ocassion. Now there are no kids to get ready for school no work to prepare for and no horses to feed and turn out. Is this self neglect? I don't know. I call it retirement.
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Self-neglect in the elderly is, my amateur observation, usually a symptom of their being too old and tired to bother any more. Things like cleaning your teeth, washing, eating properly, changing your clothes begin to go by the board. In younger people it is symptomatic of depression, though; I suppose that what she's getting at is that "age is no reason not to try." Or some such bollocks.

You get bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, dogmatic people like that. In fact I've got a SIL like that, convinced that if I chivvy my mother out of bed at dawn, feed her linseed at breakfast and chase her round the house a bit more she'll be restored to her former, active self in no time. I expect my mother *could* make herself a hot drink; and if I weren't such a fraidy-cat when it comes to the risk of falls, scalds and electrocution I'd probably encourage her to do so...

So I can understand how this person must have grated on you. What matters is that the activities of daily living get done, not who initiates and executes them. Your client needs caregivers because he's no longer capable. That's not self-neglect, that's age and frailty. Glad you got good back up from the people who know! - more power to you.
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I do good to get my mom to shower twice a week and that's only after she has gone to PT and(her idea) wash her dogs with her. May sound gross, but I put a towel on her lap,she sits in a very nice shower bench,dogs are a shih Tzu and yorkie, she baths the h*ll out of them, plus she stays in the shower longer ,also she has no ticks or fleas.I actually used hartz mt. dog shampoo on myself one time as I was already in the shower and found that was the only shampoo in there with me, wasn't bad, no skin irritiation and I had a nice glossy coat with a citrus smell.She has never washed her hair except once a week at the salon (I find this icky).I wash my hair every day but she has never for as long as I can remember washed her hair except at the salon even during the summer and she was sweaty,ugh! Hopefully people with dogs understand, she loves those dogs.
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Many caregivers are guilty of self-neglect (failure to care for oneself) -- not intentionally but because we are "too busy" to have our annual checkups, can't leave loved one to get daily exercise, etc. etc.

Many elders neglect themselves -- their homes haven't been clean in 4 hour years and they won't let anyone in to clean, they subsist on Ding Dongs and Cheetos, they can't remember when they last bathed, etc.

Self neglect is a real phenomenon. Whether it remotely applies here or not I couldn't guess. The caregiver's intentions might have been sterling, but clearly her approach was not compatible with your goals.

I hope you have better luck with your next hire!
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In some states, self neglect is considered a form of elderly self abuse. In my state it comes under the Self Neglect Law and must be reported by doctors, physician assistants, medical interns, dentist, nurses, family counselors, probation officers, social workers, police, firefighters, EMT's, psychologists, coroners, physical therapists, occupational therapists, osteopaths, podiatrists, directors and staff of a home care agency, a home health or homemaker agency, and managers of an assisted living residence.
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Bella, Let me give you an example of self neglect. True story. Senior adult (85) with live in son (53) Dad is legally blind and deaf as a post. Mild dementia. Son doesn't bath, wash hair, shave or do laundry. He has swollen legs and feet to the point of skin erupting and weeping. Refused to go to the ER. His wounds are stinking. Would not listen to sound advice and refused medical attention. Finally, a close relative went through the proper channels and obtained a court order. The police went to his house to take to ER. He is now in a nursing home for treatment and lucky he isn't loosing his legs.
Forget what that busybody had to say. Keep on keeping on!
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Thank you. Yes we showed her the door. Still the term self neglect is disturbing all the same.
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tell her to take an aviating intercourse at a motivating pastry .
it will be one for the international newspapers when someone someday comes into my home telling me how i need to live . especially someone 1 / 3 rd my age and life experience .
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