Not doing well living alone. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Not doing well living alone. Any advice?

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Just recently had to place the wife in a care facility. I have a golf group and a card group to help me get through the days but I get so lonely at night. How can I cope with loneliness at night? The lack of intimacy is driving me to think about doing things I shouldn't be doing. Can anyone provide helpful information for me. Thanks

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You are right to ask for help. I know it isn't easy. Good luck to you and your wife. Please beware that meeting someone for intimacy, could be very dangerous, but I guess you know that.
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It depends what you mean by "intimacy." If you mean you miss having a living, breathing thing around, then I'm with the person that suggested a pet. If you miss human contact - having someone to talk to and such, then maybe a roommate with similar interests would be something to consider. Or, calling friends in the evenings who are similarly missing human conversation. If you mean sex, though, then I'm stumped at what to suggest.

However, I believe that "Blues in the Night" was written instead of "Blues in the Day" for a reason - I believe that at night we tend to be a bit bluer and think more of loneliness and intimacy. Maybe you could find more nighttime activities to keep you up more when it's dark. Do you think you might like on-line video games? I ask because some of these games are played 24-hours a day by people around the world in group situations.
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Are we talking about female companionship outside of marriage? Have you tried a church group. The have senior clubs where you can meet woman, who are also lonely. If you stop short of relations, you are ethical and morally sound. If your wife has alzheimers, I wouldn't condemn you, if you did have relations. You must wrestle with your own conscience.
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Some people think a dog is a good companian for older people. I dont have one but am envious of those that do -- gives you a reason to get out for a walk and someone to cuddle with. My plate is full right now but I hope to get a dog in the future. Good luck and stay strong.
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What you need is night golf. Just kidding. Evenings are never fun for the one left behind. Ask the facility about conjugal visits.
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Do what most women do that have husband's in care facilities.... they are doing ALL the household chores, there wouldn't be any time or energy to be thinking that way.
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