I handle my moms bills and finances. My brother lives with her because she feels sorry for him. She financially supports him 100% for the past 10 years. Nothing wrong with him except he’s lazy and is 57 yrs old. She’s 86 and thinks he’s wonderful, but she doesn’t trust him and is afraid of him. When I say something about him she starts saying ugly things about my grown children for no apparent reason. My whole life she has told little white lies. She is in her right mind and only thing wrong with her is she’s mean. Today as I was trying to leave she clawed my arm to the point I’m probably going to be scarred. What should I do?

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I think this goes beyond meanness and into mental issues. In the war between you and your brother,she is definitely in his camp. Protect yourself.

My mother gouged me at one point and I do have a scar. It was tended to at the nurse’s station. But she had dementia and a UTI. What your mother did was assault and should be reported to the police.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

If I was you I would start getting my ducks in a row. This is what I mean...does mom have a Will? Does she own a house and other big assets and if so, how is it divided or who is it left to? Who is the beneficiary of her bank accounts? You might be wondering why such's state your brother lives off your mom, so, you need to ask yourself, what is he going to do when she passes away? For example, let's say she ownes her house and the Will states that the house is to be sold and divided. Your brother might think (probably will think) he can have the house and whatever money to live off of, therefore, then you or whoever is in charge of her Will will have to evicted him. I hope you are getting my point. I have a brother who is my mom's favorite, she gives him money all the time, which made him very self entitle and spoiled. Secondly, if your mom is physically abusing you then you need to distance yourself as much as possible. See your mom when it comes to paying bills (if you do it together). Pick a day for shopping but try to do it in the shortest time as possible. (If you are the one that takes her shoppling.) If she claws or hits you, tell her to keep her hands off you. Be firm but not mean. (Do not yell or scream) Set boundaries and stick to them. Thirdly, find someone to talk to. Remember just because she is your mother does not give her the right to physically or emotionally abuse you. I hope this helps.
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Reply to Shell38314

I would file a police report, this kind of aggression shows that she is not mentally stable. At some point you will need to make a decision about her care, documenting these incidents will help you be able to place her.

You say nothing is wrong but meanness, did you call her out for physically attacking you? It is okay to tell her that you will not put yourself in danger and she either treats you with dignity and respect, as well as keeping her hands off you or she will be dealing with her son as sole contact.

By the way, that she has these fears and yet protects him, is a huge red flag, could this be a sign of elder abuse?

With the things you have told us, it is time for the authorities to get involved, she cannot make sound decisions anymore.

Keep those scratches clean, senior hygiene is such that you could potentially get a nasty infection from her finger nails.

Hugs, this is a tough situation you are facing.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

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