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My mom's brother is a jealous person and nosy to boot. The problem is when he talks to her he asks a barrage of questions that would normally not be asked if her mental state was better. I know he’s using her vulnerability from her mental illness, to “seize the day” to find out information that is really none of his business. I have tried talking to him about it but I just get “ok.” It’s very hard because she is elderly and I feel kind of being taken advantage of. Of course her brother is not sickly, but he just want to know. I am trying to minimize my mom's anxiety but it’s hard when relatives work against you. I have tried blocking his call but he texts me wanting to know if he can talk to her, see how she’s doing. It just adds another layer of difficulty to an already difficult situation. Does anyone have any tips? Thank you!

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I feel like we are missing something here. Why does her brother feel he is entitled to her health info? Or any personal info. Is Mom intimidated by him? If he causes her anxiety to get worse, then limit his visitation and phone calls. If he persists ask him why he feels he needs this info. Being her brother gives him no rights. I had an Aunt like this. Always probing for info which my Mom usually gave then could kill herself for doing it. Some people are just snoops. Its up to you to tell him to stop asking these questions or don't call or visit.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You don't specify what kind of questions he is asking that would 'not normally be asked', or what kind of information that he seeks in order to 'seize the day' - what does that mean in this context?

If it's financial information then if you're the POA you have every right to tell him that all financial information should be referred to you and then handle his questions as you see fit. A simple 'that is Mom's confidential information that she has asked not be shared,' should suffice.

If his questions are more personal - for instance - probing her mental state with leading questions or asking questions that have to do with her care then you can also intervene as her care-giver (assuming you are your mother's care-giver), and insist that he refer those questions to you.

Have you asked your Uncle why he persist on 'upsetting' your mother? Does he not trust she is getting adequate care? Sometimes if you confront unwelcome behavior with reasonable questions it causes the person to reflect and better understand that perhaps they are being overbearing.

It is inappropriate for someone to take advantage of a person's mental state. You sound as if you've made it clear that what he does upsets your mother; if he persists then I would simply explain that he has repeatedly ignored your requests and since you are the one that deals with the fall-out, you will have to limit his contact if he cannot understand the damage his behavior is causing.

It would be helpful if you spoke to your mother's physician and explained the situation and her doctor could confirm that what your mother experiences as a result of her brother's intrusiveness is detrimental to her well-being. That way if thing should get nasty you have a 'back-up'.

Wishing you well and...Good luck!
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Reply to Ruffles63
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I need help with this too. Moms sister was first to say mom had memory loss but after four years of me taking care of mom she emptied her bank accounts. I got Moms money back and I blocked Moms sister. But she keeps bullying my sister sandy with mean threats. What can we do?
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Reply to KarenJN2018
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JoAnn29 Sep 20, 2018
You may want to post this as a separate question. It will start a new thread that will be easier to keep track of and you would get more answers.
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This is a bit hard to understand without some information about what ‘he just wants to know’. Is it about you? Or her financial situation? Is there any reason why he can’t know? Do you have some method of making calls three way? – perhaps easier with landline options than mobile phones. If it is a possibility, you might be on a third phone, and intervene when you think things aren’t right. Even if you just listen to your mother and try to get the gist of the questions, you could still intervene. Perhaps you talk to her brother after you have terminated the call and ask him why he wants to know. Perhaps you could check with him in advance if there is anything he wants to ask her, answer reasonable questions yourself, and then intervene if things are going off-track. It is a pity to let family relations go bad if there is any way to avoid it.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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He talks to her on the phone or he visits in person? If it’s on the phone, just tell him no, she’s sleeping or be honest and tell him you’ve asked him not pry, told him that his prying into things that are none of his business is not appreciated and he’s ignored you, so no, he can’t talk to her. Tell him she’s as fine as can be expected and hang up. If it’s an in-person visit, don’t leave her unsupervised. When he gets nosy, stop him and tell him to mind his own beeswax. His questioning upsets Mom and you won’t tolerate it for her sake. If he continues, ask him to leave.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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