How can I remove my mother from my home, she has lived with me and my husband for over 20 years and has almost destroyed our marriage.


She is very narcissistic, causes much stress in our home, threatens us with elder abuse and much more. Do I have any legal rights as I am a senior too? She is 82, I am 65. My husband and I are tired of her abuse.

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You're tired of her abuse?

After only twenty years of it?

Why now? What was the last straw?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Countrymouse

Thank all of you for your input, I will look into my options and let all of you know the out come.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to tessa814

If your mom is ready to move, contact the Area Agency on Aging and ask for their assistance in finding her housing.
If you feel there is going to be a problem then you probably should get legal advise. As your mother has lived with you so long you may have to evict her as has been mentioned. It depends on the laws of your state. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a contract.
Come back and let us know what you find out and which route you take.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

Oh my goodness it’s like she is in the marriage. That young and moved in with you and your DH. I can’t imagine doing that to any of my children. I am estranged from my mother for such narcissistic behavior and I still have guilt but my DH and children keep me strong. Thank God for your husband he must be so kind to allow her in your home for 20 years. Yes I agree seek professional help asap and take care of your family.
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Reply to SpiritDancer

I might start with a legal consult with an Elder Law attorney to see what your rights and responsibilities are.

Does she suffer from any kind of cognitive decline? If so, I'd be concerned that it appears that you have taken her on as her responsible person, since she lives with you. And that, it would be incumbent upon the responsible family member to ensure that she is someone safe. If she's competent, then, I suppose that would not be an issue.

So, then, I'd explore what her options are and what she can afford.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

Barb’s right. And, after 20 years of this, you will need to pull much strength from somewhere to get her out. You and Hubby will need to present a united front to her and tell her she’s going. Be prepared for an epic meltdown. She will try to bargain with you, make promises to “do better”, blame you for throwing her out, refuse to go, etc. if you’re up to it, find someplace for her to go. Is there anyone else who will take her? You will have to have an iron resolve. If worse comes to worst, call Adult Protective Services and tell them you can no longer handle her and what do you do.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Maybe it is time to tell HER what is going on.. if you have not already. Tell her you will be looking for alternative housing for her , like AL or NH, as she is not "happy" with her current living situation and you "hate" for her to be so unhappy. Make it all about her happiness. She may straighten up unless she has some form of dementia, But if not then you have given her fair warning. Tell her since she is threatening to call you in for elder abuse, you realize how miserable she is, and you only want her to be happy.
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Reply to pamzimmrrt

bumping up for others to answer
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn

Has she been to a geriatric psychiatrist?

You can start eviction proceedings. Google "eviction"and the name of your municipality.

If she becomes out of control or ill, call 911 and have her transported to the ER.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn