My mother is 83 and beginning to show confusion and memory loss. We just lost her brother. My husband and I moved back home to take care of her. I’m home full time. My brother has gotten at least $30k from her in the last year. He can’t hold a job and lives well beyond his means due to getting my mother to co sign for a very expensive truck and condo.
I’ve asked him to stop asking for money from her which completely infuriated him.
He now doesn’t come around nor hardly ever calls. I have 2 other crappy siblings that haven’t been around in 5 years. I’m emberrased of all 3 of them and how they “treat” her and I get left to console a mothers broken heart.
I heard my mother call my brother yesterday to offer him more money. Of course, he obliged.
She has forgotten all the other money she has given him. And states, “if I have it I should give it to him to help.”
This makes me sick with anger. He offers zero help, nor visits or calls but happy to take her money. I’ve had countless conversations with mother that she is enabling her son. I even had her in counseling. She gets it. Till she forgets it.
My question is I do have POA at what point do I act on that. My husband says it’s her money let her do what she wants. I can’t help to feel that is just awful neglect.
I had a horrible argument with both last night. I feel horribly angry and so frustrated. I’ve always said I would never put her in a facility. I wanted to take care of her but this ripple affect of shitty siblings I never took into consideration. I didn’t sign up for this.

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I started taking my mom to a Dr. that specialized in dementia . They do testing and if they find she is not competent or has a significant memory loss they can give you a letter stating that she is unable to make decisions for herself and you can take over her financial affairs.
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Well - if your mom needs nursing home care at some point and will need to apply to Medicaid to fund it - all of the money she has given your brother in the past five years (or to others) will disqualify her for a penalty period -quite a long period by the sound of the amount you mentioned.

Will brother come and take care of her when she is bed ridden and incontinent? Or will that fall on you and your husband?

Use your POA now to nip this in the bud and hope she doesn't need Medicaid for nursing home in the next five years.
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