The last time my sister had Mom for an extended they were in a terrible automobile accident. Both were badly injured, Mom was bruised from head to toe, but the worst and ongoing injury was that 97 year old Mom has a fractured neck. She is no longer able to hold her head up without support and she has pain everyday.
At the time of the accident, Sis and Mom were taken to the same trauma center. Mom was released the next day with "no injuries" except bruising. After having her back home for one night of uncontrollable pain and completely unable to move or be moved, I called 911 and took mother to a hospital near me. My sister was in a different hospital for more than two weeks.
I was told it was another driver was at fault. I knew my mom was going to need my full attention so I called an attorney to Handel all of the insurance stuff and to get me a copy of the accident report since my family was t forth coming about giving me the info to get the report myself.
Meanwhile at the new hospital a fractured neck is discovered. Mom is kept overnight an moved to a rehab center for the next two weeks. Mom is in pain, she is not a candidate for surgery, she has a huge hematoma across her abdomen from the seatbelt and is terrified and confused. I did not leave her the entire time she was at the facility except to run home , shower and put clean clothes. My husband stayed with her so I could do that.
So my attorney gets the accident report at clearly my sister was at fault. Accidents happen, I know that but the lying after was and still is the problem. I can't talk to my sister because she is a mess in another hospital. My attorney was concerned at first that if my sister didn't have enough liability insurance we would be able to cover Mom's bills. Fortunately because Mom lives with us, we could file under our Undersured Moterist portion of our policy. So we did that to make sure Mom couple get everything she needed. Then we found out that my sister had enough coverage to take care of Mom's bills and provide for the continued care she was going to need for the rest of her life. Yes Mom is 97 but is in good health otherwise and was extremely active everyday right up to the accident.
So Mom is released two weeks later to come home with me where I have a comfy hospital bed set up in the living room.. it's a large bright room with 5 windows so she can see the sunshine, announce the mail arrival and see if anyone is coming to visit her, there are 2 loveseats for visitors, a large TV, a large porch right outside, a view back into the dining room so she still feels like she is part of everything. I have all of the hospital equipment she will need and it's beautiful. She's happy, safe and well cared for. Her doctor did call in Hospice so we have a flurry of nurses,aids, chaplains and social workers almost daily. I've opened my home to friends and family to visit Mom anytime except not Mondays and Thursdays because those are the main Hospice care days and I did ask to please call before coming. The reaction from my family has been rediculous. They have reported to Department of Human Services that Mom has been isolated and no one was able to see her to check on her. So I got a surprise visit from a county Deputy who said everything was fine here and then a social worker from the Division of aging who spent more than two hours here and also said everything was fine. Mom even joked with the lady. Buy the way this is not the only trick/lie perpatrated by my family during this period since the accident. Not enough time for everything.
Now I REALLY don't trust my family! I have spent 5 months of 24/7 working with Mom to get her to a place where she can get out a little with extra care, transport chair, etc. They think because she looks better that she is the same as before. So not the case.
I don't want to let them take her because she is SO fragile. However if I have to can I make a contract that they have to sign before taking her out, stating when they plan to bring her back? Also stating that she cannot sign anything when with them. She shouldn't because her dementia is much more that it was, she is almost completely blind and deaf. I'm her POA and HCPOA. I KNOW THEY LOVE HER but they have not spent any extended time with her to see how much her needs have changed. I'm beside myself. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions ?