My sister-in-law and her husband have moved in with my father-in-law to care for him. He is 84 years old, has nearly uncontrolled diabetes (on two medications including insulin and still high numbers), continues to gain weight even after a myriad of conversations with multiple doctors. He chooses to remain in the bed for most of the day - totaling sometimes 18-20 hours a day. The doctors don't have any concern about depression at this point. He spends hours sleeping with his CPAP on. He recently had a minor non-invasive surgery - though we do realize that in his physical condition there is nothing truly minor or non-invasive, and had the opportunity to go to a rehab facility to get his strength back. I should note that his lack of strength was not directly related to the surgery, as it was rather minor and any symptoms post-surgery have all cleared up. He flat out refused to go to rehab because he knew they would require him to get a certain amount of movement in each day and would control his diet very strictly.

Our concern is this. We can't force him into an assisted living center of course and wouldn't want to try to force him to do something against his will anyway, unless we literally don't have any other choice for his health and safety. He is adamant that he isn't leaving home. As a result, we are quickly getting to the point where his care is more than my SIL can manage. He refuses to have home health beyond what the post-surgical requirements stated (OT and PT to help him get his strength back since he wouldn't go to rehab). He was non-compliant with any of their requests and they have signed him off because they can't do anymore for him.

So...we are getting very close to the point where my SIL is not going to be able to get him out of the house to his doctors appointments. He is morbidly obese and continues to gain. He is non-compliant with his doctors requests. And it is honestly getting dangerous already for even a couple of us at a time to take him out of the house (major fall risk).

We've never been in this situation before. We don't know what our options are in the event that he is no longer able to get himself up on his feet (walker and scooter dependent) and into the car so that my SIL can take him to the doctor.

Any advice would be welcome!

Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Sherry1886

Home health is his option as in my house bound bed ridden father .. Medicare approve it. So I don’t know why it is not seeked out ...
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Reply to Sherry1886

Is this the Bob on ur profile? It says he has ALZ/Dementia?

If he has Dementia there is no reasoning with him. He probably no longer processes what anyone says. Or remembers. Hopefully someone has POA. If so, if he is incompetent then the POA can place him.

If he is so obese how can he get food, He can only eat what is in the house. Can't remember, but one of the diabetes, 1 or 2, you tend to gain weight.

The only way you could get him out of the house is a transport. Neither ur SIL or her husband should try to do this.

What doctors does he need? Can his PCP take over his diabetes? Can you find a doctor who will do house visits?

At this point, let him do what he wants. Let him sleep, can't eat if your sleeping. Have no sugar or carbs in the house. Make sure his doctor knows what is going on and its documented with a letter in his file. If you call APS they will only say he can live the way he wants. Actually if he lost weight it probably would help the sleep apnea and the diabetes. Surprised he has lived this long.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

Seems like he’s made up his mind how his life is going to be and no one is going to change it. So what’s the point of any further medical appointments? He’s on a death trip and the help family is giving isn’t helping but enabling. Your SIL and any other family members don’t need to be injured trying to handle this man. If he’s truly mentally sound please stop risking the health of others in aiding him. It’s not fair to anyone
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930

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