Hello, I am here because I need some advice on how to balance some things and the best way to approach a situation. My husband’s father is very sick. He’s a paraplegic, diabetic, has an infected to the bone bedsore, has a colostomy and urine bag, and now has a bad injury to his foot. He has a home nurse come twice a week and a PT come once a week. He has no source of income. We are recently married and I bought a house (not my husband). We used to live upstairs but have now moved to the house which is only, at most, 10 minutes away from him. However, it seems that after we moved, he has become extremely needy and makes my husband go there nearly everyday to do something that is sometimes of importance but sometimes not. It’s hard on my husband and I because I work days 6:30am - 5:00pm and he works nights 10:00pm - 10:00 am. My husband must then leave work, attend to his father, come home he’s exhausted he can’t help around the house and he sleeps up until it’s the time to leave. As a newlywed couple it’s starting to take a toll on me a bit but I’ve been understanding, patient, and supportive. However, it’s been a bit hard trying to balance it all and I’d like to figure out a way to best deal with it for everyone. We’d also like to have a baby but will need to put that on hold. There is no way we can tend to the father and a baby. In all, I feel that he either needs more home care or needs to go to a nursing home. We are unable to provide the daily services he needs. We are neither doctors nor nurses. I have offered for us to move back to the apartment above him and rent our house but I was told this will make him depressed and will not be a good option. He doesn’t have much money to hire a private nurse or home maker, we work such long hours and both have trouble sleeping. I would help to hire a nurse but my money is now tied up in the house and my husband is still working out the debt from his divorce. We hardly see each other anymore and when we do my husband is cranky or upset. I don’t blame him, he’s tired and has a lot to deal with. It seems we are in a hard place and I’m not entirely sure that his father actually needs this help or is calling out. When we lived above him, there weren’t this many problems. Lately I’ve begun to build a bit of resentment. As much as I try not to, it still comes the more I think of the situation. He lives on the 2nd floor & is a very heavy man. It takes many fire fighters and Reponders to carry him out of the house to the hospital. Most recently he went it he hospital without telling either of us and checked himself out because they weren’t giving him pain meds. This has happened before. I feel bad for the responders who have to carry him and put their lives at risk for nothing in the end. It’s very dangerous for him. I suggested he move to our new home and I will turn my first floor living room and dining room into his living area. It would be on the first floor and he can come and go with a ramp and his wheelchair and even go in our backyard but he refused. Also, he once took too much medicine and he was taken to the hospital. After, he had a mandatory meeting at pain management. He text us every day for 2 weeks and made sure he was ready and able to go to that meeting. However, he doesn’t call or text about more important things (like his now injured and blackening foot)and refuses to go to the doctor. He’s also a diabetic & anytime I go to the market for him he only request soda (as many as I can get), donuts, and a cake and ham. Never anything healthy. I’m just not sure what to think of that. When I think about these things and motives behind what he does, and how sometimes I think he plays a victim a bit, I get upset. It’s clear he’s very sick. There’s no doubt about that but I feel he’s also not trying to help himself. Maybe I’m being hard on him. Maybe it’s just building up and it’s been a rough week and tomorrow will better. I don’t know. I think it’s just building up for me and I’m sure I’m just venting at this point. I will look into seeing if I can get him more home aid. I suggested a living center but my husband said no. I just think it would be best that when things happen to him, a trained person can take care of him right away. I think I’m a bit upset that the father cannot see the burden he is placing on his son and I and how we cannot possibly help him with most things. It’s not even safe for us to because things need to be sanitized or done in a sanitary environment etc. I’m sure this post makes me sound horrible. I promise I’m not. I wouldn’t mind if he lived with us and that made everything easier for everyone. I am just trying to figure it all out while supporting him, my husband, but still getting on with my / our life. Just some thoughts please?