Ill try not to br too whiny with details, but a few days ago it was suggested to me to create boundaries between myself and my aging parents. Mostly my mother. Yesterday I feel I completely failed this task as she walked all over me and I felt totally swallowed up my day. By 7 o'clock I was finally free to go get my own tasks done only to be giving the look and verbal guilt that there was no reason for me to go out that late.
and somehow someway the whole ordeal will be twisted around into it being my fault and my decision.
Most of my decisions she treats as poor decisions, with a hefty topping of guilt and that I'm selfish. She also said yesterday one of my favorite lines she says to me, "I wish you would act like a normal person"
30+ years... I still don't know what that means. Just that I hate it. (I don't do drugs, smoke, drink, go to bars, date, steal or anything. I like sci-fi and art and plan to go to a convention in one month that I know she disagrees with. She will pressure me not to go, and if I do cave to her wish, it will be my fault)
I am the care taker for my parents. A sh***y one at that.
I cook, clean, shop, tried to help with bills, repair, laundry and errand run.
my mother is disabled, cannot walk, or reach for things, is overweight and loosing her memory (although she'd argue it's me). She communicates by screaming her words and pain very vocally.
she recently came home from rehab after heart surgery and has done EXACTLY what I knew she would... all the progress down the toilet and a refusal to work on her excesses at home. But I suppose it's my fault too whIle im at work 10-12 hours a day.
my father has developing dementia and the most awesome case of apathy. He doesnt do anything without being told how, only wants to record tv and buy movies, and doesn't clean up after or himself. Also overweight but is loosing weight until my mother yelled at him that she can't keep buying him new pants if he keeps loosing weight. Right after complaining his pants look like shut and he's a bum.
I live with them . Now thus is where everyone attacks me and says move out.
I have no money. It's all student debt. And my own insurance. I need a second job to move out. Which technically feels like a third job. My mother says they can't live without me and they need me and love me.
if I wanted to hire help, i must fit the bill.
they promised me everything when they died, because I'm so financially f*****d (When it's going all to my sister and her beloved children)
but other thing is, they've almost never helped me financially. That's why I'm in debt, I did it all on my own so my sister can have it all. Anything I did get, my sister had to have equal + grandkids.
my sister if you must know says, "hang in there"
Anyway, 1) they will never die and 2) I know I won't get anything. I'll be in debt from their medical expenses or something I'm sure.
Wow. I'm sorry. I ranted.
anyway, any suggestions on how to create boundaries? Maybe I don't understand what boundaries really means. And I'm going about this all wrong.
All boundaries are doing is making my family suffer. But without them I am suffering and all alone.