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Even though she passed away almost a year ago I still can't stop feeling guilty. I lived with her and she had dementia. I got so frusterated, I yelled at her to stop ,for example, when she melted a pot on the stove when left to run some errands. Then she would apologize and I'd feel so guilty. Toward the end I could not leave her side only getting a little help from my family. I tried to explain to her that some of the things she was doing were unsafe and could no longer do them. This does not work In the later stages of dementia. I know I did the best I could, knowing very little about dementia at the time, but still the guilt and remorse continue. Have any of you had similar experiences? What did you do?

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I think guilt goes with the territory regardless of whether we have anything to feel guilty about or not. I cared for my dad in my home and there were times when I was very impatient with him and if I dwell on those memories I can get to feeling very guilty. I don't think we have a tendency to remember all of the things we did well. All of the things we did right. You were with your mom to the end and I think that cancels out anything you might find to feel guilty about.

We aren't saints. We're human and caring for an elderly loved one with dementia constantly tests the bounds of what we're able to put up with. That you lost your patience with your mom means you're human. Don't dwell on those times when you remember your mom. I know my dad wouldn't want me to continue to beat myself up over all of my mistakes I feel I made when I was caring for him. The fact is, despite the mistakes, I did the best I could for my dad and I loved him very much.

Please don't dwell on the guilt and remorse you feel. You did the best you could with what you had to work with and caring for someone with dementia is the most challenging job in the world. Anyone would lose their patience. Just read throughout this forum about all the times people have lost their patience with their loved one.

I would think it very odd if someone didn't lose their patience occasionally.
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Stephanie - guilt and remorse are part of grieving, and you certainly are still grieving the loss of your mum. However it does sound like you may be stuck in guilt and remorse and need to forgive yourself for being human. I am sure you did the best you could which is all anyone can expect of themself. Have you thought of attending a grief group? They can help you work through such feelings. A therapist could do that too. Caregiving a dementia patient is extremely challenging. Please give yourself a pat on the back for helping your mum through this dreadful disease. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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I mean MOM not money
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