How can we lovingly get our stubborn Mother (87) to live with me or one my five siblings?

Freqflyer, I agree with your comment about elder independence. As my Mother notices mental and physical changes due to aging, and having less control in some areas, she works harder to show us how independent she is. Her home is her familiarity, and she feels in control there (which, of course, is understandable). Stepping outside of it she feels disoriented and worries about bladder and bowel control. This is one reason why she doesn't visit her family. The other reason is that she feels she is imposing on us, especially since she has a dog. My Mother has a "martyr complex" and doesn't think she is deserving. It baffles me and my sibs, and we all reassure her how much we all love her, want to spend time with her, and want her to spend time with her family. We tell her she can bring her dog or we'll arrange to have her taken care of. My sibs and I find this very frustrating.

Garden Artist, I read the discussion you recommended and it definitely is food for thought, so much to consider. It is quite overwhelming.

Joy, this is an interesting question since so many posters inquire how to achieve the opposite situation.

A recent question by someone who wanted to move her parents generated a lot of comments, many of which advised caution or against moving a parent in with an adult sibling's family. You might want to read it as good points are made on what can be expected. A lot of people aren't prepared for the 24/7 demands that will be made on them, or on the personality changes as the parents channels resentment toward the family for what she/he may perceive as snatching away her/his independence.

"Moving my parents from WV to VA soon....", https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moving-transition-an-easy-one-184488.htm

I assume your mother is living alone; how close is she to you and/or your siblings with whom she might live? Are you close enough that you can provide respite for each other? Do you need to make accommodations for her?

I'm assuming she wants to retain her independence; that's understandable. Knowing her better than we can, what could convince her that she could still maintain some level of independence by living with you or your siblings? Is she still driving? Would any of you be able to take her without restriction to wherever she wants to go? Do you have enough space in your house that she won't feel like a tenant? Exchanging a house for a room is quite a downsizing event, especially for someone at her age.

Your profile states that she's depressed. What plans do you have to address this? Do you have children or pets that might provide a cheery atmosphere?

What alternate plans do you have in the event she becomes more forgetful and/or is diagnosed with dementia and suffers a behavioral change?

And what are her specific reasons for resistance? I would examine these very carefully and determine how you can address each to the level that provides her with comfort that moving in would be a good decision. As long as, in her mind, she has valid reasons not to move, she'll have reason to even consider it. Bring yourself around to her way of thinking and address the issues from that perspective.

But also focus on the fact that you just want her near you and want to ensure that she has as good, safe and healthy a life as possible.

One has to realize that our elders want to remain independent for as long as they can. Plus some are in denial [like my parents] that they can keep being independent and remain safe in a non-elder-friendly home.

Why won't your Mother want to move in with you or your siblings [how wonderful that all the siblings want to help out]? What are her reasons?