My mother is in a private care home. She was diagnosed with dementia (Alzheimer's). I placed her in the home 9 months ago with my Father, who also had dementia. My father died in August. (One week prior to that my MIL died), 3 of my mother's sisters died after that, one in September, October & December. In January, my oldest grandson died of a heroin overdose. I have been caring for them since 2011. At that time my father was very sick. We moved them here from out of state into our rental. (We live on the same property). I have four siblings who all live out of state. Two of them would come twice a year for a few days so that we could go somewhere. One brother moved in with them for a while. He made an agreement with my Dad to do the coming and chores around the house for room & board and a small weekly compensation. That was for about 8 months before we put them in the home, and it ended badly. 😥 My mother is slowly losing her memory and having other issues as well. She's gracious when I visit, had stopped giving me a bad time. But she's not happy. Missing my Dad (61 years of marriage). Cries out for me at night when she wants something (to pull up the covers, etc). The care home is wonderful. I got the flu, then bronchitis, then the flu and pneumonia & now bronchitis again. I've had to stay away from the care home. My Mom's depression has increased since I've been unable to visit. Even though I call regularly. For the past two weeks I have taken a break. I have called less and haven't visited. I'm just so weary of it all. I'm still trying to process my father's death, let alone the rest. 😢 I called yesterday and ended up talking to the nurse who let me know that she's not eating (except for sweets). They try to encourage activities and she won't participate. Walks around, just very sad. Incontinent now. When I talked to Mom, she just wanted to talk about Dad. Poor thing, she's in excruciating emotional pain. I usually an able to redirect the conversation and make her laugh. She wouldn't let go, kept talking about it. I told I'd come today and take her out to lunch. She still wasn't happy, but was glad I am coming. The problem is, with all the deaths, and the emotional turmoil that surrounded my brother's departure, putting them into the home and now her grief, I just want to have a life. There have been many problems with my husband... He's done. I'm exhausted. I don't want to go and be there for her anymore. Feel like I need to go somewhere and lick my wounds. I need to heal! Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom. Dearly. I know that many of you have been in similar circumstances. How can I cope when I don't have the mental and emotional resources to do so? How can I be there for her when being there sends me into a tailspin emotionally?