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How do you convince your family that you are burnt out? My father in law screams at me for everthing, which can mentally stress you out. I gave up my job to care for him due to having experience in this field.

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You inform the person with authority that you will no longer be on the job as of February 15th.
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My parents provided in-home care for my grandma for 10 years. When they hit "done" they called a family meeting. Informed them that they were moving out (quitting) with notice of 3 weeks.

The whole family ignored this. As long as Mom and Dad were doing everything..they could all just go about their lives.

But, when the day was less than a week away, and my folks announce their new address.....wow...the blow up was amazing. Now they believed them. Grandma was moved to NH within the week. See...no one else was going to do the personal care...just as long as my folks did it they could ignore it all.

Announce your date. And a week before hand..do it again. Then..on that date..leave the house. Go do whatever..job, job search at library, coffee shop, whatever. But stick to your guns. Force them to belly up.
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Why do you need to convince them? Just give them notice and discontinue the care. Perhaps resume your career. I take it this is your spouse's father? What does your spouse day about this situation?

The entire family can discuss what to do about this screamer, but none of them individually or altogether can make your decisions about your life. You get to decide when you are burned out and when you have had enough.

How much respite do you get? How many hours/day do you spend with FIL? How many days of the week? Do you and your spouse get time alone together? Do you get any pay for the work you are doing?
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Even if you're getting paid, you're still suppose to have time off. A regular full time job is max 40 hours per week, 80hrs for 2 weeks. If you work over 40 hrs in that one-week period, you should have overtime pay for those over 40hrs. You're also suppose to have vacation leave. They're using you. If they really appreciated your help, they would also have hired another caregiver - so that you both can do shifts. .. I mean, really, only 4 hours off Once a month????

Discuss this with your spouse. Draw your line in the sand. You have experience? Well, you can Teach the Family what to do! Look, my mom was bedridden for over 13 years. She was on trache (hole in throat for the oxygen) and stomach tube. My nieces visited once a week. They offered to help me change their grandma's pampers. All they did was hold grandma while I did all the dirty work. {chuckling... there was a lot of gagging and face turning away because grandma's poop was awfully stinky!} One day, I was busy, grandma was choking on her saliva. 17 year old niece jumped up, picked up the suction tube, turned on the machine and suctioned her grandma's throat. Did I Teach her how to do it? No. But she observed me doing it so many times, that she was able to do it on her own. This is from a 17 year old! By the way, her boyfriend's mother tried to dissuade her Not to help with her bedridden grandma because she might "catch" something bad from her. {eyes rolling}

I think you need to really re-evaluate your situation. Is it true that you are the only one who can take care of FIL (father-in-law)? Or is that a very good excuse for the family to palm him off on you?
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So even if you are 'paid' it is not worth your physical or mental health to continue. You do not owe it to anyone to take abuse.

Give notice just like you would with any other job. If he is in your home, you can give an eviction notice too, or move out yourself.
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I get paid for this. But no respite care. We get date night 1x a month (4 hours). Nothing else.
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if it was me I think I would just tell your wife and her family all at the time that you did your time caring for her father as long as you can. explain that your served your time and its one of their turns to take over. give them a date tell them you will be looking for a paid position and you will no longer be available after that date. and stick to your guns. its hard but its even harder when its not your own family to care for.
your wifes family needs to know that someone else needs to step up to the plate and help out like you did, and if not tell them to start looking for a nursing home .....
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I get paid for this. But no respite care. We get date night 1x a month (4 hours). Nothing else.
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My parents provided in-home care for my grandma for 10 years. When they hit "done" they called a family meeting. Informed them that they were moving out (quitting) with notice of 3 weeks.

The whole family ignored this. As long as Mom and Dad were doing everything..they could all just go about their lives.

But, when the day was less than a week away, and my folks announce their new address.....wow...the blow up was amazing. Now they believed them. Grandma was moved to NH within the week. See...no one else was going to do the personal care...just as long as my folks did it they could ignore it all.

Announce your date. And a week before hand..do it again. Then..on that date..leave the house. Go do whatever..job, job search at library, coffee shop, whatever. But stick to your guns. Force them to belly up.
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