My mother has dementia and lives with us- how can I expedite her placement in a facility for the sake of my family as well as for her?

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I am not at all equipped (emotionally, physically, personality...aly) to care for my mother, my 15 yr old and 11 yr old, my husband, etc. I thought I could handle it but I can't; it just took me awhile to admit it. At my mom's last doctor's appointment the floodgates opened and I begged the doctor to have her placed in a facility. The doctor totally agreed and referred us to their patient care coordinator. When my 15 yr old caught wind of that possibility, she was relieved and confided how my mother being here has bothered her. We then learned it would take quite awhile, from a few months to a year or more. When I told her this, it was like she'd been punched in the gut. As for me, I've grown rather apathetic toward my mother and that worries me more than anything else. This will sound awful but understand that I ask it just as much in the interest of my mother as in the interest of my own family and household. If I make it known that I want to evict (for lack of a better term, if there is one) my mother, can she be admitted sooner?

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I don't think saying that you want to evict her would mean she would be admitted sooner. I guess you could tell them your circumstance at home have fallen apart and you really need her in a nursing home.
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What is going to take a long time? Is she on waiting lists for facilities? Has there been a needs assessment to see what level of care she needs? Is it getting the information for a Meidcaid application?
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kbuite77, one problem is that the smaller towns don't have senior facility or if they do it is only one. If you want to move Mom quicker, you may have to drive to a larger city such as Charleston where there would be numerous facilities and possibly an opening.

It's a tough decision, whether to wait until a bed opens up in town, or to drive 30 miles to a larger city. It depends on how often you and the family want to visit Mom.

Remember, not everyone is equip to be a caregiver. I wasn't, but I was good with the logistic part of caregiving, and my Dad paid for having caregivers with him. Dad first moved to Independent Living facility for seniors, he had a very lovely apartment.... then after awhile he had to move into Assisted Living/Memory Care.

My Dad was self-pay, so you would need to see if your Mom can budget the monthly cost. If she can't, then she would need to apply for Medicaid which would pay for all of her care in a skilled nursing home.

Let us know what you decide.
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Don’t ever feel guilty for not being able to have Mom live with you. I knew from the getgo that I couldn’t.

In our area alone, 5 new facilities have opened in the past three years with more to come. Were I in your situation, I’d tour every one within a reasonable distance asap. Look up their star ratings. Our newspaper prints facility ratings every year with 1 to 5 stars. You need to be very proactive since your situation is so hard to bear. You don’t want your family to remember Grandma as a giant pain.

Good luck. Keep us updated.
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Have you checked out more than one assisted living?
I thought I knew "the" place I was going to place mom but after looking at several, we opted for the smaller facilty. We were fortunate they had a room available that day. Hardest but best decision I did for mom and my family. Sending you strength
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If she has an ER visit or hospitalization for any reason refuse to take her home saying her care is more than you are able to provide. The social worker will find her placement.

Also, consider a geriatric care manager to consult. They usually know the best places that have space available.
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I'm so grateful for the support and advice you've all given me thus far. Such a boost! And it makes me feel a little more affection for her.

She does not have Medicaid yet but we're working on it. I was told her application has to be approved before they can come out and assess her. She's on a waiting list for one nursing facility but yeah, small town, so I'm definitely more willing to consider a longer drive and expand my search. Bide our time with her further away until something closer opens up, I suppose depending on her condition and how she would deal with another move. But that's going down a rabbit hole.

She has these fainting spells sometimes where I'll come in and find her on the floor or hunched over something, and sometimes in a cold sweat. Her doctor said it's most likely low blood pressure, so she took her off bp meds. I remember thinking after one of these instances, "Dang, I should have taken her to the ER."

Geriatric care manager... would that be the same as or similar to her patient care coordinator?
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