After watching and caring for my elderly parents, I have been tuned in to almost untold depths of compassion, worry and turned it inward for my own future. I cannot imagine my kids having to care for me as per our relationships that while ok, is not something I would really envision. I also dont want to go into assisted living after witnessing my aunts care & death. I see my parents grieve their own lives and loss of friends and family and I have such empathy that I feel their pain inside of me. I have a front row seat to aging in a way I would not had I not cared for them. I wish I could take away their pain and sadness - and see the beauty they have available to them every day. I wish I could turn back the clock in some ways, and speed it up in others. I realize how fast time has flown and have put my life on hold in a way because I care for them - knowing once this is over I will face my own elderlyhood and how much time do I really have left? I am alone - divorced after 20 yrs of marriage. I feel isolated from others though I make an effort to reach out and have some semblance of a life. I am afraid of them passing and the pain it will cause the remaining partner...and the loss of people, regardless how they were to me, who raised me. I wondered if anyone else ever experiences their own stage fright when it comes time for their own final act. Sorry for being macabre but this is the frontline of life - being a caregiver and it's like staring into the sun.