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I have been a caregiver to mom for 8 years and her end of life is soon approaching (within weeks to days) and it is taking everything I've got not to loose it completely. Mom is 91, blind, nearly deaf, and bed ridden, but completely cognitive and does not want me to leave her side. My husband has been working 7/12's (7 days a week, 12 hours a day) for over a month and still has a month and a half left on this schedule. And he's on graveyard shift at that! We are both exhausted and only see each other 15-20 minutes every morning and evening, so I understand why he is feeling neglected. I am caught between a difficult schedule and guilt from leaving mom alone, even if for only a few minutes. On the rare occasion that I do sneak away, my mind is not in the moment and all I want to do is rush back to her side. Mom and I have always had a good relationship and I consider her to be one of my best friends. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something were to happen when I'm not there. We have a monitor in her room and my MIL provides assistance on weekdays but I still can't seem to tear myself away when she is this close to the end. It has consumed me and I am literally being torn in two.

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So glad to hear you're talking. Link arms! Wishing you strength with the challenges ahead, hugs.
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Thank you all for your input. Actually, just seeing someone respond gives me hope. Hospice has been involved involved for a couple of weeks and their help with personal care alone has given me a tremendous break.
Years ago, in my previous life and in another city, I had an excellent talk therapist who I'd sell my right arm to have back (retired.) So far, the local therapists I have found are either completely overbooked or spend the majority of the time relating their personal experiences rather than help me find resolution. Hubs and I had a very good discussion about all of this a couple days ago which helped us reconnect and regroup.
Mom has experienced a significant decline over the last few days and as you all know the stress is overwhelming. I guess I just needed to vent and to find some reassurance.
Again, thank you all.
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I would imagine your new husband knew the situation going in. I hope you are both able to agree that "this too shall pass" and that you will be able to focus on each other in the near future. However, how do we really know how much time a loved one has? My advice would be to find balance. Be prepared for mom's passing but make time for your relationship with your husband. It may be hard but you've obviously had years of happiness with mom and I am sure she wants you to place your new marriage on firm ground. Be kind to yourself.
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I hear your struggle. I know this is a very painful time. I would want to be with my mom too. Since she only has weeks left, I'm sure your husband will understand this is where you need to be right now. I'm so sorry I know its not easy. Try to take care of yourself the best you can. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.
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What about hospice coming to help you or contact a home healthcare agency to come in and give you a break for a few hours per day. It would be money well spent.
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Why? Because you are a fairly new wife who has been very focused on your mom's care for the last 8 years. Thus, your emotional attachment to your mother is the strongest and you are feeling awkward because you are now married and likely feel like you are abandoning your mother when you focus on your husband and feel like you are abandoning your husband when you focus on your mother. It's a matter of boundaries. 

Also, you need to take care of you or you want be any good for anyone.

Has her doctor said she only has days left or is that your perception? 

You really need a mental break when your MIL helps. 

I think you are going through some anticipatory grief before your mom actually dies. 

You can't control all of the dynamics of this situation and there is no need to feel guilty about that. 

It sounds like it might be good to find someone to talk with about all of this who can give you a third party objective view.
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In 6 weeks' time your husband will have finished with this very demanding schedule and your mother's situation, one way or another, will be clearer. Try to leave everything that doesn't need you immediately, right here and now, in a mental box marked with that date.

It isn't anybody's fault that your husband is worn out, you're worn out, and your mother is reaching the end of her life. The three of you are going through this together; but you and your husband are fit adults who can spare the strength to prioritise a frail elderly dying woman.

You love your husband. Trust him to love you too, and give you his blessing to comfort your mother. Very soon, when it's just the two of you, you'll look back and be glad you were kind to one another.
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