My Dad (84) accuses my Mom (84) for everything that goes wrong. Any advice?


Like she took air out of my bicycle tires. Verbal abuse. His accusations are very unrealistic and unfounded. The other day he accused her of breaking the washing machine. Apparently, he felt like he was getting an electric shock shen he touched the machine. Mother has no idea of how electricity works. He has accused her in the past of many things. Including trying to poison him. Many years ago he started cooking for himself. He no longer eats what mom cooks. He has been locking his food to the point where he put a lock on a box and then put the box in the refrigerator. All of these episodes cause a lot of stress on my mother. She is becoming very concerned for her safety as this episodes inlcude a lot of yelling, screaming and cursing. I don't know where to turn. I have at times in the past asked him to see a doctor about his mental state, but of course he refuses. He was always the type of person whose opinion was hard to change. But now it's at the point where there is no way to reason with him.

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Father is not mentally well. Perhaps this has been going on for many years and has now escalated to a point of danger.

Do you know why Mother has put up with this treatment all these years? That may give you some clues about how to deal with the situation now.

Do not ask Father to see a doctor about his mental state. Ask him to see a doctor to get a flu shot, or a general physical or any pretext you can think of. Then provide the doctor a list of your concerns before the appointment.

Mother needs to be protected. Is she willing to leave, or to insist that Father leaves? If Father seeks a doctor and follows a treatment plan, maybe they can establish a better relationship. But for now they need to be separated, for her safety. I expect that a family law attorney will need to be involved, to ensure she has money.
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He has dementia. Get her out of there before she gets hurt.
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