Haven't been on here in a while but wanted to ask you all for some advice as I'm having a lot of problems come up lately..
So my 82 yr old mom who has breast cancer, asthma & a few other illnesses is becoming more & more needy.
She lives alone about 5 mins away from me.
She has refused ALL health care tech help (anyone who can visit her @ home to help with bathing, cooking, light housekeeping, etc) and has not gone to see her new primary doctor who was replaced last year since her old doc is no longer on staff @ the hospital.
My moms prescription for her asthma meds is going to expire soon & the new doctor will NOT renew the script without seeing my mom first so there's one problem because everyone I've made an appointment for mom to go see the new doc, she'll cancel it saying she's not feeling well enough to go, "I'm dizzy", etc so without a primary doctor, my mom can't get any pain meds (should she need them in the future for her cancer).
She has turned down the palliative nurses suggestion (after she examined my mom & asked her a whole bunch of questions) that my mom get sign up for hospice care, this way she'll be able to have a doctor come to the house instead of having to get to the doctors office.
But my mom because very angry at the palliative nurse when she suggested that & told her l"m not ready for hospice yet so just forget about that".
Ok so mom has been very dizzy for years now.
Used a walker to get around the house.
She is very weak, cannot use the stove anymore, can only microwave her food, etc.
I am the only child.
No family living in our state.
I work 2 jobs & am having difficulty keeping a roof over my own head & caring for my fur babies.
My mom expects me to go & stay w/her everyday, for hours (if I leave after 1 or 2 hours, she complains that I'm "running out") so I'm not able to work as much because of the time I'm spending w/mom takes away from my job.
In turn, I've had to have my mom make a couple of my car payments because I'm not making enough money to do that.
Not blaming her in any way, just wanting to give all the facts.
My mom also has had anxiety which she refuses treatment for because she doesn't want to take any drugs because she says she "sensitive" & is afraid of having a "bad reaction" to whatever the doctor would prescribe her.
So there are days when my mom will call me 5-10 times in a row, minutes apart saying how weak or dizzy she is & "you have to come over here right now".. "maybe I'll feel better after you get here", "You have to come by or you'll don't wanna have any regrets do you?".
Then when I do go over to her house, she's ok and seems a lot less "fragile" then she said she was on her messages.
I'm not able to get my own things done like my laundry, run a personal errand because she calls so much & wants/needs me to do things "right now", "I know your not working now so why don't you come over & stay with your mother for a few hours".. etc.
I think I may lose my mind if she doesn't stop this.
The palliative nurse is supposed to come on a regular basis but when she does get to see my mom, mom will tell her she doesn't need her, & she will call her when she'd like her to come back.
So the nurse isn't aware of all this neediness that my mother is exhibiting w/me & how much her anxiety is progressed.
How am I supposed to cope w/this situation?
Am I truly being a "bad daughter" by ignoring her calls so I can get thru my day or should I just drop everything & become her slave & out her needs first before my own in order to show that I'm a "good daughter"??
I am very resentful that she's making me feel this way & that has me feeling "guilty" as well, like I shouldn't be but I am.
Please advise on what I could do to better cope.