DH is an only child, and ILs may be in a potentially dangerous situation. For about 8 years, I noticed FIL has had signs of dementia for years—memory loss and hallucinations. I've seen a lot of weirdness (like my ILs would buy a new car every year!!!), but DH was in denial for a long time, and MIL was not forthcoming about it until recently.
In Jun, she had a fall...or hurt herself lifting something (the story is different depending on who you talked to) and ripped the muscle off her arm and messed up her rotator's cuff. That's when she ended up telling us about it, and we found out it had been going on longer than I noticed (10 YEARS).
She told us their family doctor downplays FIL's symptoms. He did at least get checked for a UTI (he doesn't have one) and he had a clear MRI.
So, I asked if she wanted help and she said yes. I spent a week trying to find them resources—including a difficult-to-get-into memory study at their local college. They were going to do it, but cancelled their appointment (which was made 2 months in advanced) 10ish days before FIL was to be seen, because FIL was freaking out about thinking he'd get a lobotomy.
DH doesn't know what to do. I'm emotionally fatigued as I've been told I "imagined" this for years and ended up being the one person to try to do something about it. DH and I are trying to make some big future decisions about where we are going to live in the next couple years (which will make a large impact on us and our child)—and this situation has him paralyzed.
It seems they really do not want help. I feel resentment because when things do fall apart for them it could really hurt my husband and our child—and probably me. I feel they are being horribly dishonest and inconsiderate to their son—and I'm tired of DH and I feeling like we are caught in limbo with planning a big step in our future.
Is it wrong to give up? If so, how can we step away in a fashion that protects DH from having to deal with things if his father ends up on his own and needing emergency care? We live 5 hours away and want to move. It may be further away since ILs continue to deny help.
MIL seems to believe we'll magically and quickly find a "temp" to live with FIL quickly if something happens to her—and that is all we will ever have to do (and she is in complete denial her own health is having serious issues). I am surprised she doesn't know better since she and her brother care for her own parents. We don't know what to do, but I am tired of the stress of us feeling paralyzed.
DH just wants to keep trying to talk with them, but I am not sure it will really help (and neither does he really).