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Both of my elderly parents live with me. My father has severe dementia and cannot be left alone. Now my mother, who has been my father's primary caregiver, has become ill and is in the hospital. I am also taking care of my 4-year-old granddaughter temporarily while my daughter is in the hospital giving birth. When mother went into the hospital I had to take both my father and granddaughter with me, which was hard on all of us. A nurse had given me the name of a caregiver to come to the house to watch my father while I am at work. This caregiver is very good but expensive, and I cannot afford to pay for this care for any length of time. The social worker at the hospital said there are very little options but gave me the name of an agency that may be a little less expensive. When my mother comes home from the hospital, how can I take care of two sick people while I go to work. What are my options? An additional wrinkle in at this is my husband who does not like my parents and makes snide comments about them. Instead of giving me emotional support and constructive advice, he criticizes me and makes my stress level worse. I feel he is heartless. Any advice you can give me would be very much appreciated. I am overwhelmed right now. Thank you.

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I definitely feel your pain. Ask the social worker to contact medicare or medicaid if your father is a recipient. They have quite a bit of help available that we family members can't seem to access. Pray. Pray. Pray. Ask God for His guidance. You are doing a very noble thing but you need some help.
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Not sure what AD is (from Garden Artist above), but can Mom go to rehab? That could buy you some time. And there are adult day cares here, varying in price, hours, amenities, & some even provide transportation. Try calling your local council on aging.
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demstress, one concern I have is having your grand-daughter visiting with you. Sometimes elders who have dementia become jealous of someone else in the house, be it your husband or your grand-daughter. I would be concern either could be harmed if your Dad's dementia phase becomes too combative.
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Ikdrymom, thank you for your response. I and my husband were not aware of the extent of my father's situation and once my parents arrived the problems because magnified. Because of my father's illness he can be combative and accused my husband of being an intruder and told him to get out of the house. It was not a pretty picture. From then on my husband did not want to be in the same room with my father. My father has also lashed out at me and it disturbed me for days, but I think I figured out what upsets him and leave him be.
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Can your parents qualify for Medicaid? Even if they could though, it doesn't address the immediate situation.

I'm going to skip addressing your husband's attitude; I think addressing and modifying his attitude is a long term project, and you need answers to the home health care issues now.

Since I've learned about Palliative Care, a step up from Hospice Care, I've thought of a lot of situations in which it could be used. It provides in home or facility support for people with "life limiting" or "chronic conditions." It is not hospice care.

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EDA, 5:23 p.m., after first posting: I've just read on another thread the implication that "life limiting" applied to Hospice. Yesterday when I read up more about Palliative Care, "life limiting" was used in describing it. Since PC as I was told by one of our special doctors is for people with chronic conditions, this description would apply. This was on a government site.

However, Hospice also provides care for people with "life limiting" conditions, but I think that's more of a sense of time, although someone (I think it was AK Daughter) wrote on another thread, hospice no longer requires a 6 month terminal DX.

So I think there's not necessarily a lot of clarification right now on Palliative Care; I didn't even learn about it until about a month ago.

This is just a caution that there is conflicting information, so anyone who reads the posts addressing PC or hospice care is aware of the definitional issues.

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I don't know if AD is included, but it certainly is chronic and life limiting. Ask the hospital social worker and discharge planner about this, but also raise the issue of home care help through Medicare for your mother. Assuming she has Medicare, she could get help (nursing, PT, OT, speech, SW and health aide) for about a month, as a sequel to her recovery.

Not much, I know, but sometimes a little bit helps.

Good luck.
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If you husband does not like your parents why are they living with you? Why would he agree to that?

It sounds to me that they are at the point where you cannot care for them properly. With your mother in the hospital you need to look into a nursing home ASAP and memory care for your father. It is not going to get easier and they are not going to get 'better'. Before long you will be the one who gets sick caring for so many others. Please take care of yourself first,
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