Does anyone have any idea how so many of us ended up with such difficult moms? What the hell happened?

I have one too...

Scrolling through this thread about "difficult" mothers, I'm wondering if it was in part due to the era many of them grew up in. Watching WWII in progress, maybe even serving in the military or working in factories because the men were away fighting. Then after the war, it seemed like there was a lot of sneaky pressure on women to quit jobs, marry, stay home, and have kids ... even if some women at that time would've preferred to remain single, or build airplanes, or go to college, or start their own business, or whatever. What was right for some (marriage, family) wasn't necessarily so for ALL women. Feeling trapped, limited, and belittled by the expectations of society - that would make me angry and bitter too.

My mom was always working and too busy to actually spend time with us. She was divorced 4 times, married 5 so that took a lot of her time and effort. She was critical of many of my choices. But I always knew she loved me and that she was there if I needed her. I guess I was a lucky one. I was able to be there for her to the end. And as her Alzheimer's progressed, she actually became less critical...maybe more grumpy, but definitely less critical. My kids say can they are happy their children remember a kinder grandma.

I look after my parents but they didn't like me as I grew up. My mom said on many occasions she only wanted 1 child, I am number 2. My older brother that visits them twice a year is a god and I can do nothing right. I cook, clean, and help them stay in their house. They say thanks now but they fight me all the time. I try to change the bed, do laundry, cook or get them to dentists and they don't want to go or get clean. The doctor is no help. I have stopped caring as much, just making sure they are ok then leave them to their own devices. they are 87 and stubborn. Their doctor says they won't change. My mom has fallen and my dad doesn't take her to doctor or hospital, He still drives so I can leave them alone about a week. My mom can't cook anymore and my dad says its not his job.

Struggling1 here is what I think.

If you were born in the 50's, 60's, or the 70's our mothers lived through the aftermath of the great depression, WWII, the 50's where women were expected to marry and have children, and the 60's where the women broke out of their homemaker role, not sure what happened in the 70's except they became selfish. In my case!

My final thought, our mothers grew up with no one believing in them and them not believing in themselves, therefore, they couldn't believe in us, so in turn, causing low expectations, low self-esteem, and low self worth.

Just my 2 cents!

I guess I had a Mother born in '32 and had all of us kids in the '50s. Our Mom was June Cleaver/Harriet Nelson all wrapped up in 1, especially the Harriet Nelson as the house furnishing have been the same....all maple wood...still there today.
Any way, our Mom was very confident, she grew up fast due to her Mother being a weekend alcoholic and a very quick tempered Father. She raised herself and her 2 brothers. She always told us we could be whatever we wanted, but we had to work on it ourselves because your future isn't given to you unless you just don't care.
When my brother started kindergarten, she went back to work so we are also the era of the 1st latch key kids.
Mom finished high school, married, children as expected. What we didn't know was how smart she was. She also had many childhood friends who grew up to become very important people. I met the granddaughter of 1 of those friends of all places a Love's truck stop ladies room. Her grandfather was Senator Barry Goldwater. It was like old home week there in the middle of Love's!
When Mom went back to work she was a clerk in the bank Commercial Credit Lending dept. These were very BIG COMPANIES she had to research financially etc. My Mom ended up being the Bank Officer of Operations over this department. Although I wanted to be a teacher, my Father refused to help me financially to get there, but Mom put me on my path in banking. I started as a clerk typist and when I left, I was the Banking Officer of Operations for our Foreign Exchange dept.
Although I always had my mind set to be a History teacher, Mom showed me want I needed to do to get somewhere in a career I never wanted, but I was happy to go to work everyday.
My Mom helped me to become her child who now takes care of her in many ways no one ever thinks they will need. She taught me how to research, get the answers, be positive and back my research i.e. attorneys now. The best lesson learned, how to follow the money which my step-sister never really accepted I could prove she committed fraud in so many ways.
My Mom was the greatest influence in my life. We didn't get along all of the time, puberty does that to all of us, but she knew she could count on me when she needed someone in her darkest hours. I can't think of the hours becoming any darker than slowly watching this woman fade away.
My sister text me about how Mom thinks she placed her in this facility and won't talk to her. Truthfully, she did and I think she feels the guilt because I took Mom out of a ghastly situation and now she is being waited on hand/foot, medical treatment monthly, hairdresser, proper diet for her diabetes etc. I told her to feel blessed that we all have Mom with us for now and go with that and accept the disease as it is and see the good, not the bad right now.
Yes, far too many grew up with "horrible" Mothers/Fathers, but if you still have them, feel lucky that you do.
Merry Christmas

"difficult mom" noun. a person who has given birth to a good daughter and continues for decades to be source of angst. Example: Good daughter was tired of standing on kitchen floor to prepare meals and splurged on new gelmat. Difficult mom persists in moving it and when told to LEAVE IT ALONE, in spite of dementia, she is VERY quick to respond "it's MY house!"

So hard to decipher other people's lives & motives. We can only see their deeds & hear their words. But I will never know how my mother became so bitter & cold. I only know that it's not safe for me to be around her. I knew that from an early age. But I still respect & worship the very God Who made her my mother. He is unimpeachable.

CantDance: I did get your private message. Thank you for that. I finally figured out why my mother still kept in tough with her BIL, my uncle who abused me. She herself was abused by a different BIL, the man who was married to her own sister! She just swept it under the rug, like a lot of people do.

IDK on my way to SC to take care of my mom, which sounds like your story. Mom is mean lies and is in total denial. 😪🙄. It's hard enough with out all this.

I see in this thread a lot about how women's lives and identities were made "of less importance", even in the 20th century. I do a little genealogy research and have also found obituaries where the deceased women was never referred to as anything but "Mrs. His Name". No first name given for the woman, and no maiden name either. Nothing about her own family, or her life before marriage. That was an era where a woman was considered incomplete or odd if she was not married. And it seemed to get worse, not better, in the years after WWII. The "fabulous fifties" are a myth. As I noted in an earlier post, if I'd been an adult in that mess of an era, I'd be angry and bitter too.

Am new here reading various threads; this thread bothers me. I read it yesterday and again today, trying to make sense and be sure of what I was reading. Perhaps I am just particularly blessed with a good mother, but something seems very off to be blaming these 'awful women' and trying to put the blame on 'society' WWII era upbringing, evil men patriarchy etc., for their "shrewish" behavior. I'm sorry, but pretty much every post on here comes off sounding entitled, spoiled, ungrateful, rude, know-it-all awful, which is why I had to come back and read this thread twice! Did you ever think the problem might not be 'her', but YOU??

So many women on here are looking back trying to make sense of why they're 'stuck with the nasty shrew from the nasty era', but they are still looking through eyes completely tainted by their own modernity and mindset. You can't speak as to what it was like to live back then because YOU didn't live during the time of your mil/lo nor were you raised during that time, hence, you'll never be able to understand how it was through their eyes and skin. YOU don't accept certain behaviors and situations today in society but you're looking at this topic like ALL women, ALL the time back in the day, were just bristling with yearning for what is available for women TODAY; is the accepted and the norm today. It doesn't work like that. Most of you seem to think these women were absolutely hating their lives, stuck, angry, miserable, simply because YOU would feel that way if you had to go back in time to this imagined 'he ll'. Similar to how Westerner's judge other cultures using their Western yardstick and mindset - they never crack the code to true understanding because their eyes are completely blinded by their 'ethnocentric lens' bias and ignorance, they remain the Ugly American and wonder why they are called arrogant and ignorant. Kind of like the current craziness in post feminism to vilify Lucille Ball and sneer that 'she was no role model' and toss her onto the rubbish heap of the past as an embarrassment to all women. No. Lucille Ball was rocking it in HER day and absolutely a strong role model for women during that time.

Am not saying I don't believe that any of you don't have legitimate gripes about whoever you are caregiving, but I find it surprising that so many of you seem to absolutely VILIFY these women as if they are the source of all of your problems. I would be interested to know how many of you were raised by 'city' women versus 'country' and how many raised with a belief in God, as that might have a wee bit to do with it.

As much as my mother tests my patience and makes me want to pound my head against a wall at times, she gave birth to me, she gave me LIFE, and life is precious. Do none of you feel joy? Aren't you THANKFUL for your LIFE? She gave you that. She also wiped your bottom time after time, when she probably had no desire whatsoever to lift your legs in the air, dive right in with her hands and a rag and clean out that mess. Think about it. No, am not guilt tripping you, am just speaking a reality. If your mother diapered you, wiped your butt, fed you, made sure you were clothed warmly, rocked you to sleep when SHE needed sleep, combed brushed your hair, made sure you brushed teeth, took you to the dentist and doctor when you needed it, made sure you went to school etc, what exactly is the payback here that you don't understand? I don't care how 'narcissistic' someone is, if they loved you enough that you survived to this point than count yourself blessed. Sorry if this puts me at odds with many people here but this thread sounds like a lot of whining without enough proper perspective, gratitude and not much spiritual upbringing. My mother is who she is. She gave me life, also suffered caring for ME. I RESPECT HER. I can never repay her enough for that, doesn't make me a doormat, Maybe try giving your mil/lo some honest acceptance/love without the know it all disdain.

Addressing the original question, I can think of several factors.

1) people with "normal" mothers do not end up asking for help on a website like this one as often as people who have difficult mothers do. I think it is a big factor.

2) Mental illnesses like personality disorders were not recognized nor treated in the past, I remember a doctor coming to our house when mother was about 40, She screamed and yelled and raged at him and told him to get out. As I showed him to the door, he said, "I am afraid you are in for a very rough time.", There was no diagnosis nor treatment - no resources.

3) No one talked about it. They may have whispered, but in general families kept their secrets. People knew that Aunt Hetta, or Mrs White down the street, were different, and difficult to get along with, but no one looked into it further.

To look down the generations, the ones with personality disorders used to be labelled as eccentrics. The ones of my generation, that I know of, were "difficult people" maybe vaguely termed sociopathic or narcissistic. In my dd's generation and beyond, for the first time I see actual diagnoses and treatment, though there is no silver bullet.

Of course I am speaking of a very small sample, but I do see this pattern in some that post here.

I once read of a person who had cared for an Alz patient who was normal before they got it, who had also cared for a person with a personality disorder. Hands down they would care for an Alz patient any day before the one with then personality disorder.

Those of us caring for aging and sometimes demented, personality disordered, parents have few good memories to go on and are likely suffering from childhood emotional neglect if not abuse. Children need more than to be fed and have their bum wiped. They need to be nurtured.Those whose parents gave them a normal upbringing bring the great advantage of having been loved and nurtured by their parent into the care giving arena. It makes a huge difference.

Heather and CantDance: I have no idea (other than the fact that my mother was abused by her own sister's husband) why she was not my protector when I was abused by an uncle. Good grief! She kept corresponding with the man until his death in 2009! She said 501X---why didn't you tell me (he did that)? I said--mother I told you! The man was a pedophile.

CantDance: I am so sorry that you had to go through the trauma of abuse. Big Hugs to you ((( ))). My uncle was allowed to abuse many-including his own granddaughter.

Heather: Totally agree with your statements. Turns out my uncle's wife was no better than him as she knew the abuse was happening & didn't have him arrested. SMH.

@50'schild Total projection and you ran with what you 'think' I said or 'did' to you. My entire point exactly in this thread that seems populated by people who loathe someone for varying 'degrees of abuse'.
I saw where y'all jumped all over the poor soul who dared share his childhood (happy) with the armed services family etc. No one was happy with him either, how DARE he open his mouth, express an opinion contrary to x y z?
@Hope4Peace A little less snark, holier than thou righteousness and self pity please. You think I haven't 'been through something'? What is this? Who's suffered the worst abuse contest? I'm adding my two cents just like anyone else, and my two cents says that perhaps people need to look at their own attitudes/reactions towards their so/lo/mil whoever, and see if perhaps THEY THEMSELVES aren't a part of the problem. Attitude is everything.
You have no idea what my childhood was like, and I can guarantee you there was plenty to be upset about, but I'm not obsessing and fingering it like dirty laundry that I just can't seem to let go. This is what I'm pointing out in this entire thread. This whole victim identity and the endless round and round about labeling things, discovering the 'name' of something (narcissism etc) as if that's going to give you power over the suffering - it doesn't. I don't see alot of healthy direction in this thread, precisely why I wrote in, because I see a lot of people demanding recognition for their suffering from their 'aggressor' and expectations that their suffering will one day magically disappear if they can just talk about it enough, name it, etc. None of that works in my opinion. Sorry if that upsets any of you.
@Cantdance thank you for a most reasonable reply back, appreciate it. While everyone is so busy pointing fingers at aggressors and protecting their victim status, there's somehow also the expectation that victims are going to get closure from the very same people they accuse of being batchit crazy and/or mentally ill. It's simply not going to happen. Which is why I am talking about dialing it back to simple pure love. I don't care about the "I never asked to be born" argument, and the "my mother had an obligation to raise me because she popped me out, but I don't have an obligation to her now because she was such a biotch to me" etc...Yup, I'll just be at odds here.Nowhere in the bible does it say it is correct for a child to neglect their parent that I am aware. If you are dealing with someone who is mentally off, incompetent, etc, all the more reason to rise high and dig deep if you are the one giving care now to who gave you life. I don't dwell in the past. I don't believe in victim mentality. My parents were both alcoholics, I had plenty of 'abuse' growing up, but it simply was about THEM, not me! I knew that even then. I'm not 'belittling' or 'degrading' anyone on this thread - or their 'suffering' - am just saying there's a different way to look at this game, get on with it, and start living life.
@worriedinCali Right back at ya, vulgarity thrown out at someone who's simply expressing their opinion(freedom of speech etc)is sooo UN*ssholish, right? Ya just can't make this up.
@FrazzledMama, thank you also for a reasonable reply (take notes Cali). No one is judging you individually here, it's just a striking 'can't see the forest for the trees' feeling inside this thread! I think there's way too much emphasis on blame! Vilification! So many point the finger labeling someone a narcissist but THEY actually sound the one who is narcissistic. Fine line there!
@Shell38314 actually I was out the door at 14, does cleaning up mother's chit on the bathroom floor because she was always so drunk she couldn't make it give me bonus points in the abused victim scale?
@golden23 Not interested in comparing child war wounds!
@MaryKathleen ? First woman producer/production company (Desilu)in Hollywood, also produced the series Mission Impossible and Star Trek! Pretty Rockin'!

Please don't feed the . . . (lives under the bridge and scares the little billy goats gruff)

Hi Twinkie,
I'm going to try to leave emotions out if this. I (truly) am glad you had an epiphany at an early age that none of your circumstances were you're fault or problem. That is a sign that you've "worked through" the bad situations you were in. For some of us, this process has taken years, if not decades, and some are still "stuck" and are still working on it. It's easy (once you have "seen the light") to say-"Just do this or think that" and you'll be set free from a lifetime of emotional struggling. It's too bad you don't see that it's not that easy. It's like being in quicksand, you can keep your head above it but you can't climb out altogether.

Both my parents were alcoholics too. Mom was still legally married (but separated from) alcoholic husband #1 when she met my dad (alcoholic husband to be #2) at (what else), a cocktail party. After a few nights of intercourse (not love-making), she got pregnant. She was a bigamist by marrying my dad when she legally couldn't. The first 5 years of my life were filled with drunken fights-he'd hit her with the booze bottle and she'd scratch his face (to bleeding) with her long nails, both screaming and falling down. My best friend was my teddy bear. I still have him. He was the receptacle for my tears.
This is NOTHING compared to what some posters on this board have suffered. I count myself as fortunate.

My mother felt so bad for HER mother because she had so many kids (7) and had to work so hard, so she never wanted any. (Oh well Mom, should of kept your legs closed.) She did what she had to with me but you could tell I was in the way. They divorced (thank God) when I was 5. Mom married 2 more drunks after that. Dad had his fair share of women but never married again. They played mind games with me throughout my younger life, making me believe I was crazy.
Mother was narcissistic (confirmed by my aunt) from the beginning. Mom would cut me down for my weight, my hair, etc. and was never warm nor loving. Dad said I'd wind up "barefoot and pregnant". Both were scared sh*tless that I'd actually "be somebody". I moved out at 17, never to look back. I became a nurse. I'd host holidays but that was about it.

Was I emotionally scarred? Hell yes. I finally got into therapy on the urging from my (now) ex but that's a long involved trip. I'll be 62 in 9 days and I think I've forgiven them as best I can. Not everyone makes it this far. I sure didn't ask to be born into that, nor did I expect to have a son (a gifted child) who is a heroin addict nor be caring for a 96 year old mother with Alzheimer's. I'm going to put it all aside and try to enjoy the years I have left. I will then welcome Heaven with open arms. Finally an opportunity to live without physical or emotional pain and be in the presence of the Most High!

Life hurts at times. Depending on many factors, you may "get over it" or not. Please have compassion for those that CAN'T get to that point (for whatever reason)! We are all "in process" and a work in progress to free ourselves of the suffering given us.

Twinkie do us all a favor and LEAVE this thread. You continue to be judgemental and it’s not necessary or helpful.

OMG it's a book to be written, for sure! I am 64 and moved into mom's (my childhood) home to care for her after 6 falls that landed her in the hospital each time...remember that old saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions?" Or "no good deed goes unpunished"? I am looking for an escape from her to going on vacation, staying with a friend, RV-ing across America...

I don't think all women were like this but many were. I have been widowed 3 years and my dad died 6 months after my husband. I am 59, my mom is 86. She is selfish, self-centered, manipulative, nasty and non-stop critical of everything and everyone. I understand why she is like she is, she tells me at least once a week. Her dad died in WW2, her mother met another man and ran off with the guy taking my mothers sister and leaving my mom with my great grandmother and great aunt to raise. Living through the depression money was to be saved and never wasted on silly things. She married my dad right out of High school and started having children, 6 in all. My father spoiled her rotten, especially after she had an emotional break and tried to kill herself. She spent 2 month in a mental hospital and years in therapy. You would think she would work her issues out, but no She moved in with me 1 year after my dad died to save money. My dad never said no to her and as a result they were so far into debt about 15 years ago they filed bankruptcy. She moved a 2 bedroom apartment into my 4 bed,2bath house with a full basement and she has so much stuff it takes up 3/4 of my basement, 3 bedrooms and most of my kitchen, who seriously needs 5 full sets of dishes, she has 14 cast iron pans and 4 sets of flatware, won't even get into the decorations and baking stuff. and she shops online and in stores non-stop. She tells me she deserves it because she did not get to have anything she wanted when she was a child. She truly believes that she was short changed in life, she went to secretarial School but "had" to quit to raise the kids. She had 4 boys in 4 years because it was expected that they have a large family, my sister and I came 3 and 5 years after the boys. Her therapist told her to get a job and have time away from the house, she worked retail at night and hated it so when I went to college I got her to go with me and she got a business degree. She then worked for many years in a large bank. Now she won't volunteer because her "talents are too valuable to work for no pay" and she won't go to the senior center because "they have nothing in common with her" even though she has never met any of "them". I am going broke tipping wait staff in restaurants because she is so nasty to them that I just automatically give them a $20 tip for putting up with her, she tells me "people were horrible to me for all those years in retail, why should I be nice to anyone waiting on me" (My father would not go into a store with her because she was so nasty he was embarrassed). And everything is about her. Me: "mom, I'm going to the gym". Mom: "I guess that would be ok, I've been home alone for 9 hours while you work, what is 2 more". We go visit my daughter half way across the country. She is nice enough to allow us to stay with her, Mom: "there is clutter everywhere" Me: "She works full time, her husband refuses to help with housework and she has a 2 year old and 3 month old, I will pick up the clutter" Mom: Well, don't expect me to help, it's not my mess" (no one asked her to) She will deliberately pull out a cookie, candy in front of her great grand kids who are like 2 and 3 years old and when they ask for some she will say "no, this is all mine, you can't have any" and she will try to sit and eat it in front of them while they cry. She will take a toy of theirs and say "this is mine, I'm keeping it" and keep that up until they cry. Then she tells my daughter or son their child is a spoiled brat." I have gotten into the habit of giving her instructions like I did my kids. We are going to visit, do not speak unless something nice is coming out of your mouth. Do not make the children cry. This visit she asked my daughter why she nurses so much, she nurses on demand, my daughter said docs prefer demand feeding now. mom said "well, guess I was a horrible mother in that too" Me, yeah mom, it's all about you. Mom, sulks for 10 hours. It's exhausting raising a mom.

I have to wonder why we can't be happy for those that post about an actual nice loving mom? Are we really that damaged after all of the years that we can't read a different experience without going nuclear?

When someone hijacks a thread, can we not see that? Do we have to chase them down and further hijack the thread by telling others they are not ,as entitled, as we are to have a personal opinion and experience?

When someone uses words like normal on this thread, they obviously don't get it, it's not about having a normal mom, its about those batchit crazy moms that do such loving things like burn their kids with cigarettes just because, it's about letting a man screw a little girl because you have so much hate in you that you actually get off on hurting anyone and anything, its about the mom that didn't make sure there was food in the house but had her booze and drugs and cigarettes and gambling money, did it matter her kids were starving, not for a heartbeat. So you can see how far their reality is from any actual psychey changing abuse. You can't ever understand until you've lived it. You can't battle against that folks.

Every single one of us here is entitled to our opinions and we all say what we want, just because we don't like it doesn't mean we should attack it. Can't you see, they win as soon as you defend yourself against what was said, they are laughing their ass off because they can post and create turmoil and in fighting. Think about that, seriously.

No one that has been traumaticly abused can say, it's all good, no hard feeling, yep, ill give up my life to take care of you with a smile and a song. My mom thought she was abused because she had to do the dishes, so we all know that there are perspectives of abuse and because someone says they were abused doesn't mean they have a clue what abuse looks like.

To say that someone fighting for freedom of speech is obviously an abuser is as unacceptable as the cream filled caked belittling every poster. We are all entitled to voice our opinions but i think we need to be careful that we don't act like a bunch of hens that attack someone different or weak until they leave or we kill them because we don't like what they say.

I have seen advise freely given on how to get a woman kicked out of her own house, how to hustle the system and how to hurt siblings that won't follow someone else's desires, and i have seen posters get ripped for calling out inappropriate behavior, maybe we can start the new year by letting others have their say and if we don't like it, don't read it, maybe we can encourage people to do the right thing when they ask our advice on how to break laws and maybe we can remember we are only getting one side of every story.

I am certain that some will think I'm a fine one to talk, yep, the above applies to me as well.

We have some really knowledgable posters that freely share their professional advice, free of charge, so we will attract undesirable questions but we need to show more courtesy and appreciation to one another and pray they don't leave, taking their education and experience with them.

I'm 61 and can relate to what you're asking here, big time! I know my mother felt ignored/neglected by her mother........the other 7 kids were skinny & needed fattening up, or whatever, so my mother didn't get the attention she felt she deserved. I guess lots of kids in large families feel that way. As an only child, I felt smothered instead of 'ignored', which wasn't a great feeling either!

I also think that generation of women thought a lot more of MEN than they ever thought of women. My narcissistic mother worships the ground my son walks on, in spite of him showing her very little attention, while thinking my sweet daughter is 'less-than', in spite of her doing so much MORE for my mother. Whenever I give my mother a gift, she thanks my HUSBAND, regardless that he had nothing to DO with said gift! She flirts shamelessly with all the men she meets, while finding something to snipe at with all the women she meets. She's never been able to maintain a real friendship because there's always something wrong with the so-called friend.

I couldn't go to college either, but again, I think that was a belief of the times: women belonged at home, in the kitchen & raising children vs. out in the dog-eat-dog world of the working stiffs. I'm sorry I did not find a WAY to go to college MYSELF, and learn a profession or a trade. I blame myself for that more so than my father.

I think my father stayed with my mother because she made him feel like the biggest loser on earth. He'd tell her to divorce him, but he'd never initiate such a thing........that generation didn't believe in divorce, really and I think he truly loved her, in spite of her hideous behavior. Mother became more & more demanding & bitter since father could not give her what she wanted & deserved, children, and as her bitterness grew, so did HIS feeling of worthlessness. I was adopted, so mother had to 'settle' for the 'less than' child, not the one of her dreams. She felt she was 'doing him a favor' by staying with him, when in reality, she NEEDED a man to take care of her.

I don't have the answers to the questions you ask, that's for sure. I do know that it's not easy for us to be taking care of parents that were/are narcissistic, and that does not make us 'bad' people. Nobody should minimize what we've been through, or trivialize it, or tell us we're wrong to feel the way we do, and to pull on our big girl panties and suck it up. For me, the beauty of this forum is that most of us can understand & empathize with one another. We can share our struggles without expecting to be laughed at or put down for having such struggles. They're all valid, they're all real, and it's okay to feel the pain of those struggles and to share them. I know many contributors here have helped me through the years, as I know I've helped some myself. That's what it's all about, isn't it?

Wow, all I can say is this post sure stirred up a lot of words.

Oh hon I do feel your pain. Call it The Great Depression . Call it family like mine who immigrated here from Italy. Ugh I just pray that we won't be that way for our kids. Just went through that and cousin's are too. Know that you are not responsible for dementia, just do the best for you , lovingly get them help

And yet again I come back to this question looking for answers. Just came from helping my mother. She was in a mood..didn't say much to me...didn't engage in conversation. She had me help her move some things and then opened the door for me to leave. I try not to get depressed but I am so tired of feeling the hurt. I am never good enough.

Maybe when "we" are the difficult moms, we'll know!

Thank you Struggling1 for posting this. It is the carrot like someone else said here. Such deep pain poured out on this, it helps to see love does survive.

Lonelyone67...I feel your pain & hurt. I go through the same situation with my mother. Just feel I am only good enough to help her when she needs it. Having a manipulative sister (who is moms favorite) in the role playing doesn't help with matters. I remember having to have surgery and my mom says..I thought we were over this shit. I bawled all the way home but she is who she is and like someone posted you can only change yourself which I am working on. Its like being on a dead end road & your the broken down car. At least we can say we did our best.