I posted this same situation/question almost a year ago, and my situation has only gotten worse so I'm seeking some additional advice:
My mother has had severe OCD throughout her entire life. It manifests itself in her through constant worry, fear, irrational thoughts and depression (not in ways such as excessive hand washing, checking door locks repeatedly, etc.). In the past 2 years, her physical health has declined due to chronic issues such as AFIB, arthritis, neuropathy, etc. This has elevated her OCD even more. She now calls me 3-4 times/day about something related to her health fears. She has a psychologist but only has phone appointments with his occasionally, in spite of my suggestion that she utilize his services more frequently. I live out of state from her, but try and visit her every 5-6 weeks. I am an only child, so no real family support for me other than her elderly brother who lives near her and can only do so much. She lives in a rural county with few aging services. Any advice on how I manage my increasing resentment and anger over the situation?
You have to take care of yourself first.
A quick Google search of friendly visitor program, or elderly volunteer program, might bring up something in your area.
This might be a place to start, before paying for care.
Hoping you find some respite.
A hired sitter or companion is another thing. My mom benefitted from companions in the last years of her life. In a rural county (and I've lived in some), there's usually someone who does this sort of thing. A young mom who can sit with her for two hours while her kids are in school. A church member who likes to help people and is part of the elder ministry of her church. An agency who can supply a companion. This person could entertain mom with tales of her own household and kids, maybe take her out for ice cream, count out her pills.
Your visiting every 5 - 6 weeks is not good for you and possibly not for mom, either. It encourages her dependence on you. I'd suggest next time you are there, find a helper for mom, and then reduce your visits to every 8 weeks. If these approaches don't work, it's time for mom to go to assisted living where she is cared for by professionals and has fun things to do.
Alone in her home is no longer beneficial.
SWW
sww
And then if and when you want you can listen to them. And it's ok if you don't want to listen to them too.
Just because you are an only child does not mean that you owe your mother anything. And I guess in your case, be grateful that you live out of state.
I would just call APS, and report a vulnerable adult living by themselves and allow them to get her on their radar. That will take some of the stress off of you.
You and your mental health matter in this situation too, so please don't forget that.
Mom won’t be changing or calming down as her health declines unless she takes calming meds . She’s too old and scared of the changes she is experiencing due to age for her behaviors to change .
You will be the one that has to make changes to how you react to her . You going to therapy will help you . Mom going to therapy helps no one.
Good Luck .
SWW
sww
Just remember that every time you answer the phone regarding her obsessions, you are enabling her thought processes.