My MIL spent most of the last year in several rehabs. She had a stroke and the night after she returned home, she broke her hip because she tried to go to the bathroom by herself.
My wife and I bought our first house in June. I spent the entire summer working on getting it finished for us to move in by September.
In late August, we were informed by FIL that MIL’s insurance had run out for the rehab, and our house was the only place without big steps.
So less than a week after we moved in, MIL did, too. We were supposed to be the stop-gap until the insurance rolled over. Instead, when it was offered to her, she declined it.
We also have a one and three year old. At no point have we had the ability to have real family time, because MIL is always there.
Her desk and wheelchair take up a large portion of our living room. Our dining room table is her pharmacy. What was supposed to be my “man cave” is now her room.
She is supposed to be doing some kind of exercises to gain strength. She never does. She can’t go into rehab unless she spends three consecutive days in the hospital.
The most she’s had since she declined, was one. She is overweight, and demanding. She doesn’t cover her mouth when she coughs.
The first thing my wife and I have to do is wake up early to get MIL out of bed. My wife then has to put her in and take her out, by herself as she works from home.
We then have to do this again to put her to bed every night. Every single day. She hadn’t gotten any better, but rather has become comfortable.
The only reason I have not yet asked her to leave is because I love my wife, but I’m not going to be able to keep up the facade much longer.
What does your wife say about this ? Have you expressed how you feel ?
MIL should go back to her own home , FIL and hired help to take care of her , or she goes to a nursing home .
Show your wife this thread .
Where does the 3 year old and the 3 year old friends play in the house?
I'd plan a going away vacation to the beach with you, your wife and the kids for 2 weeks and tell FIL MIL has to go to respite care.
"The only reason I have not yet asked her to leave is because I love my wife".
Can I change up that sentence?
Sentence 1. "The only reason is.." *think what the reason actually is*.
Remove the word *because*.
Sentence 2: "I love my wife".
Loving a spouse does not stop a person from speaking up, from discussing how they feel - with honesty.
I agree with talking to your wife and saying you know the toll it’s taking on her. And the toll it’s taking on your marriage and the time it’s taking from being able to enjoy and play with your kids. MIL needs another living situation. Get wife to agree to a date, perhaps six weeks from now. She or the two of you can lay out the options with FIL. Assisted living for MIL (or both of them) and you can tour the local options. Or he adapts their home or finds another place for them to live that accommodates her current and their future needs. You can help figure FIL choose and get the plan in motion, but continuing the current situation is off the table.
Say you have compassion for MIL but you have MORE compassion for her, your wife. And more concern for your marriage and your kids.
"Our dining room table is her pharmacy." This is such a no no with small children around. Don't think that 3 yr old won't be able to open a bottle of pills. Get those pills high up away from little hands. Sorry, Mom goes home or into care.
As long as you are the solution, there will be no other solution.
If not, can babysitters be found & a nice meal out be planned?
Nothing like having a nice meal out to reset & remember what your priorities are.