I'm 22 years younger than my husband and we have been together for 28 years. He retired early and bought a small house outside of the city. I had to stay because I'm still working but I was there on weekends and he would come here most days of the week.
In 2017 my husband suffered a stroke which left him with aphasia. He has also lost his driver's license. He understandably got frustrated and I tried to be there and help as much as I could.
The hospital also alarmed us about his advanced age and encouraged us to get his affairs in order. We hired a competency assessor and upon her assurance, he issued me a POA and put me on the house papers.
In 2018, I went on a two week trip to see my brother but when I got back home Jack was a completely different man. He removed most of the furniture from the house and turned into piles of stuff : Toilet paper, flyers, lots and lots of sugar, 'deals'. It looked like one of those hoarding shows. He flooded the basement fixing the furnace and broke the furnace and gas stove beyond the repair. Then the fridge. This all happened within a month and it was unexpected expense that put a big dent in my finances (he only has a basic pension).
He started to act recklessly walking around the house with the propane torch on not realizing it is on and this is how he burnt the parts of the basement and bathroom with his 'fixing'.
I thought if I say I'll renovate the floors he would look forward to it and get the stuff organized. It didn't happen. Within hours (I kid you not) there were piles and piles of garbage (even mice droppings and soiled wallpaper roll that he could not rid of). He also took back the old, 30 year old carpet from the garbage and dragged it in.
Then his car 'disappeared'. He claimed that it was stolen and that the police are after him and want to steal 'his house'. (it was found parked in Walmart five months later - after the snow cleared) Then he accused me of stealing - USB stick at first, which we found right where he left it, charging his phone. Then he start calling me kleptomaniac and started to be physically abusive with me if I did not do as he demanded. He injured my leg so I was limping for months.
I alarmed his physician and he did memory test which Jack failed. He sent him to a geriatrician who diagnosed him with frontotemporal and vascular dementia and asked for a new PT scan, and gave him anti-psychotic medication.
Since, I only came down on weekends to see how is he and buy him groceries. On Easter he called me all upset that his ex wife came down and wants to steal my ‘emergency fund’. His ex lives in a different province about 2000 km away and they have not been in contact for over 40 years, since their divorce; they have two kids, both having problems with drugs - (both using and dealing). When I arrived, a woman opened the door and told me she is his wife and called me a gold-digger and that the house should be hers and her sons. Jack was silent.
Since she used to have an old age home, I have confronted her and asked her if she is not capable of seeing that he is sick with dementia. The house still looks as if the bomb went off. Did she not notice his erratic behaviour? She was swearing at me. I have asked her to pack and leave. She refused.
I went to his physician who ordered Jack to the hospital involuntarily. They discovered that he had yet another stroke and two more physicians confirmed the diagnosis, suggesting he needs to go to long term care. I agreed.
But the hospital admin had different plans and released him. (Canada – we have issues with senior care in hospitals).
Jack is back to being abusive and calling me names. I am at my wits end. I get no help and I am quite depressed myself. Any advice?