My grandma has been in a nursing home since a hospital stay last September. She initially went for rehab, but it was determined by myself and her care team that it wasn't safe for her to return home due to cognitive issues and falling/safety awareness. Because of covid, the nursing facility was closed to the public until recently. For the first few months she was there, we talked on the phone occasionally, but it was only ever for her to tell me her latest delusion (usually someone had stolen something that was never there in the first place). After around Christmas she continued to decline mentally and stopped charging her cell phone. I continued to check on her via nursing home staff. Now that she has been vaccinated and I can go visit again, I just don't want to. I feel like a terrible person. We have never had a close relationship. Before my parents passed away I maybe saw her twice a year even though we live in the same town. I have spent the last almost three years dealing with family stuff, first my dad passing unexpectedly, then my mom being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 months later, being the sole caregiver for my mom who moved in with my husband and I, my mom passing away, cleaning out and selling their homes which was a massive undertaking especially as an only child, and then becoming caregiver for my grandma. I feel selfish, but I'm tired of living my life for everyone else and feeling like I'm just biding time until she passes away.