My wife has dementia. For 6 years after a stroke, she won't accept that she has it. She fell and broke her hip and hand. The hospital said she wouldn't let me visit her. After discharge she went to a rehab and did the same thing. As much as I want to help her, she keeps pouring fuel on the fire. I can't put it out. Obstacles are her doctor rejects her dementia, says I'm the problem. My family is in denial although many of her friends aren't. I have Parkinson's, 15 years. I don't want to give up on my wife but I don't want it to kill me.
He doctor doesn't think dementia is a problem.
Your wife has, for whatever reason, requested to have space from you. You are not going to help her by pushing yourself on her and ignoring her request.
It's time for you to focus on taking care of yourself.
But, John, from what you state here, your wife appears to be requesting space from you. Many others in your wife’s circle seem to support her choice. You must be willing to accept that she has a choice in the matter and give her an opportunity to heal in peace.
There is a condition called anosognosia where someone with a mental or physical health issue isn't aware of or cannot accurately perceive their condition. It's essentially a lack of insight into one's own illness or deficits.
You and/or your wife may be suffering from this and that could be why you don’t understand her choices.
Speak to your own doctors and let them guide you.
I’m wishing your wife a speedy recovery and for you to be content with her choices.
With these current obstacles, there is little you can do. Your wife is either in hospital now or she is in rehab. If she is able to be rational and cooperate in these facilities, and if testing is done and she has passed, then there is likely little you can do but consult a divorce attorney for division of assets and move out. Without a diagnosis of dementia you, as next of kin, will be unable to place your wife in safe care.
You do not say how limiting your Parkinson's is, but if you have had it the 15 years you mention then you may also need to consider that it is time for you to enter care yourself; this would both remove you from caring for wife, and get care for yourself ongoing.
Sounds as though you have a complex situation here with yourself, wife and family and friends. I doubt there is little we can recommend. You will have to address this now with medical and legal help in your area. I can only wish you the best, and I do.
My mum wasn't diagnosed with dementia for some years after her stroke because the cerebral haemorrhage caused brain damage, with dementia like symptoms, and there was the potential for this to improve with time and rehabilitation. However, the stroke did lead to vascular dementia and, after several tests with the neurology department at the hospital, Mum was finally diagnosed.
It's good that your wife's friends have accepted her condition, but it's the doctors who really need to do so.
I think that you also have to accept your wife doesn't want your help. Even if her dementia is officially diagnosed and acknowledged, that won't change anything.
It's probably time that you left your wife's care to the professionals. Having Parkinson's means that you aren't best placed to be her carer, and you do need to consider your own health needs.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Wishing you all the best.
I would say that you need to make plans for you and your wife. Parkinsons and Dementia go hand in hand. You will need more care as time goes on. Who is going to care for you and your wife. Maybe you should look into an AL residence.
One of the things that my husband did was to say, "I'm not the one with dementia, it's you. You're the one."
John, I know this sounds harsh, but I think there is a possibility that you are projecting onto her the very thing you most likely fear in your PD journey. If the doctors don't see dementia, if the hospital staff didn't see dementia, and the rehab staff doesn't see dementia, then the doctor might be right in saying that you are the problem.
As I said, I know this sounds harsh.