My Mom is in that grey area where she knows she's not 100% but she doesn't want to admit that there are things she can't do. Her communication skills are deteriorating in that she doesn't remember conversations or she chooses words that mean the opposite of what she wants and then gets mad when you do what she asks.

I'm trying to learn how to respond to her in the best way possible but its damned if you do and damned if you don't. Plus I realize I'm grieving the Mom that I used to have and have times where I just want to shake her and tell her to snap out of it. She gets mad at me if I tell her the truth, but she also gets mad at me for "patronizing" her. She also thinks I lie to her. As a Mom that was her default for us kids; we were always lying or trying to hide something. We couldn't win.

I need some advice on how to speak to her and how not to let myself take it personally.

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It seems like when elders suffer from dementia, any behaviors that they exhibited in the past just become worse. I know my mom’s did. It’s ok to realize you’re angry. Many times I wanted to yell at my mom and tell her to quit saying such off the wall stuff. I’ve written before that my mom was a “sniper”. She would fire off an insult or snarky remark and then move on, leaving hurt feelings and anger in her wake After a while, I just let it roll off my back. It was like getting angry with the wind for blowing. If she becomes truly verbally abusive, contact her doctor. There are meds she can be on that help with the anger. And, if you are caring for her, it’s always ok to ask for home health care to come in for respite care.

Seek out an Alzheimer’s support group in your area. Research this site for help in dealing.
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