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After numerous falls, calling the paramedics to send her to the hospital, I had no choice but to put her in a nursing home initialty for therapy to her shoulder. She had a reverse shoulder replacement. Then she fractured her femur at the NH and had to have a trauma surgeon to repair it. The facility went from a 4 star rating to 1 star with this new administrator during the 10 months she was there. The nurses tried giving her the wrong meds and insulin, no shower for 2 weeks at a time causing her skin to breakdown and dietary didn't give a hoot about her diabetic/renal diet. She spent every day angry and trying to survive but unwilling to move because she developed lots of friends there. I read the state reports of this place at medicare.gov and identified a complaint she made about an infection at her dialysis port on her chest (she was the only resident with one) and the stupidity of the nursing staff not ordering the antibiotic ointment for it, which the state became aware of. This port goes directly to her heart. She had frequent vomiting episodes, but that last day after lunch she was tired and went to her room to lay down, vomited again, aspirated, turned on her call light for who knows how long, usually 20-45 minutes before it's answered. She died of an acute cardiac event. How the hell do I overcome the guilt? I moved her there. She had lots of health problems but these people at this NH don't care. Still crying because I knew her for 35 years.

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dear katalinasis - I'm glad my words were able to help and support you. There's little to be grateful for in this caregiving journey, but I'm always grateful when I can use my experience to help others along the way.
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Thank you CarlaCB and cdnreader,I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have so many caring people to turn to.I took your suggestion to look at the death certificate again and that prompted me to write a list of illnesses and surgeries and came up with 18.Hardly a good way of life.How she hung on so long with so many problems.I know I couldn't have done it.She also had a long grueling life of pain,doctors and hospitals.Your suggestion helped me realize what life she had.Thank you for caring and listening
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Dear katalinasis,

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs. I know its hard. You did the best you could. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you did. Keep talking it out with us. My thoughts are with you.
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That is so sad. I'm so sorry to hear about the poor care your loved one received and the lack of attention to her needs. It was out of your control, so you really shouldn't blame yourself. Sometimes these things happen even with good and conscientious care. An illness or injury starts a cascade of events that lead to a death that might have been avoided if something had been differently somewhere along the line. I can imagine how painful it is to second-guess yourself, thinking of all the things you could have done differently. Even with the best care, if there's a bad outcome the people closest will feel those doubts and pangs of guilt.

I hope that time will sooth your grief and guilt. Talking about it will help. I know in my case, when my sister died after a long and grueling hospitalization and many cascading illnesses, it helped me to read the death certificate. She could not have survived. There was nothing I could have done to change that. I hope you will gain some peace of mind as I have over time. Sending you hugs and compassion for your pain.
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