Part 1-My dad is 77 and a retired person in medical field. My mom is 67 and worked as homemaker and at his office for his entire career. Dad has now been retired around 15 years, mom the same. Whatever he does, she does....... Very enmeshed, codependent marriage. My dad; the successful, educated, older man who met a young, beautiful, non educated, impressionable girl. A recipe for disaster. My father has always controlled my mom and me, frankly, with money and threats. Threats to take it away and in recent years to leave her with nothing in a divorce and cut us both out of a will - a will he just recently made in the form of just pen and paper in his current mental state (more on that below). This behavior has been going on my entire life, unfortunately I didn't understand it growing up. Now that I'm older I see that this kind of abuse, control, holding onto money as a way to control someone else's ( mom and I) behavior has been a problem all along. And at the core of it all is addiction. Alcohol and pain pill addiction that has plagued mom and dad their entire life. He with liquor and pain pills and her with Soma and Valium. Something they were great at hiding, but due to other problems in recent years such as dementia, financial exploitation and inability to self care, failing health, etc. they cannot fool people as easily as they used to, especially me!! So they have been living as hermits last few years. Only the cleaning lady knowing their daily activity and me knowing what they tell me. I live two hours away and work (job has me working some weekends) so I cant get to them to check on them. Not to mention my mom and I have a very strained relationship, that cleaning lady as taken full advantage of. You see, mom is so bitter and angry at my dad for his years of bullying and control, but is too scared to say anything, so I get the duty of being her whipping post (takes all that hurt out on me) and bc I'm now sticking up for myself, telling her like it is, she tells me to not come around so I haven't. So this is where we are - they've been financially exploited (see next paragraph) their mental and physical health is failing and due to me allowing my mother and I fighting and her telling me to not come around, I've allowed things to get this far out of hand.
This all started last week when my mother looked at a bank statement, from a bank my parents don't even use anymore but still have money in, and she saw quite a few withdrawals of money taken out of that account that was not made by her or my father or me for that matter. After a little more digging into things, and I'm just going on what she has told me, she found out that this woman has been taking money out of their bank account and using it to pay credit card bills utility bills and the like. She found this out on Wednesday, it is now Sunday and she and my father have yet to do anything about it!!!!! And mom told me on Thursday that Friday morning was when they were suppose to arrest her. Late Friday morning, something told me to call the sheriff office and so I did. And guess what?? They knew nothing about this situation. Called the bank and they said they too knew nothing. All they did with my mom via phone the day before was change her account number, saying mom never told them why she wanted it changed!!!!
My dad doesn't know what flipping month it is, neither of them bathe for weeks at a time, mom just informed me she has fallen approx 15 times in the past year, sometimes when I talk on the phone with them they are so out of it they don't know they are even on the phone. They have so much around the house they don't even know what they have. It is a thief's paradise. I tried to give them resources to help them clean up their house because it is a hoarders den, I've given them dates when I could come up and plans of which we could use to sort out all of the stuff room by room get rid of things throw stuff away things that they would need to keep etc. etc. and yet they still deny it and say that they don't need help. They are like "we're fine we don't need any help we are OK everything's fine". No everything is not fine!!!! It is far from it!! This situation with the cleaning lady taking money out of their bank account and using it to pay her bills her credit card bills for utility bills this has been the straw that has broken the camels back for me because I am done I cannot allow them to continue doing this. My dad thinks it is completely normal for him to not know what month it is because "hey I'm retired I don't have to know those things anymore or what do I need to take a shower for I'm not going to be seeing anyone today." Does that sound like a good excuse to you!!??? I just feel like my parents have now backed me into a corner and they leave me no other option but to start filing some kind of paperwork for a conservatorship or a guardianship of some sort. (cont on part 2 in answers section to this question) and thanks for reading