My mother is in the end stages of dementia where she is basically refusing to eat and drink. She has been living with me and I've been looking after her for almost 8 years. The last 5 years have been very difficult. She was placed on Risperidone for her violent, combative behavior. As a result I went from full time work to part time work (I hired a care-giver part-time while I went to work), I went from going backpacking and hiking to staying home. I went from being active with my grandchildren by attending their school plays, their sports events, etc. to staying home caring for their great grandmother, my mother.
I feel guilty because I'm relieved that the end stages is here. I'm tired of being physically and mentally tired. I'm also looking forward to a full nights sleep. (She has sun-downers). At 58yrs I can soon have a life that doesn't evolve going to work tired, coming home tired, then bathing my mother, feeding her, washing her clothes /bedding and cleaning her recliner because of incontinence.
For almost 8yrs I've been seeing to my mother's every comfort and neglecting mine. My Dr. has even lectured me on the importance of maintaining my health. (I'm a cancer survivor 20yrs now). I feel guilty for the feeling of relief that this is almost over. In my heart, I should not feel relieved that this stage of my life is almost over. I'm looking forward to entering a new stage of living my life the way I always wanted, actively and happily.