Help, my mother has Alzheimer's and I am not sure if this is right.

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Ok I am with my mom 24/7 for the last 2 years she is a hateful person, but she always was so, not sure if it's Alzheimer's or what. She don't care what she say's or take a shower (she has always been like that) and when she go to the bathroom she has it every where and tell me she didn't do it. this is really getting to me but everyone I talk to the doc's say it my job now to take care of her. She has never been there for me at all, but now it's up to me to take care of her. I have a sister but she is in PA and works all the time. There is help that's come in sometime when I can pay them, but I have no money now to keep that up. It's bad and she sees things that are not there and this is all so bad and she does not sleep, naps sometimes. I am mad and upset with her because she never put money away and that's all she talks about and she thinks I have it. I am writing this to see if any one else is feeling like this. Sometimes I feel alone, thank you.

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helpneeditterri, both you and your mom need help. Others have said it doesn't have to be up to you to provide all the help your mom needs and they have made good suggestions. Please call your state's office on aging and/or senior services hotline as soon as possible -- do it today.
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I'm sorry we didn't see Terri's thread earlier, too. I'm afraid she may have given up and gone.

Terri, just in case you check in - try going to this link

www.vda.virginia.gov/aaamap.htm

then go down the list until you find the Area Agency on Aging for your location.

There are all kinds of support and advice you are *entitled* to. Whether your sister can help or not, whether your doctor is a dinosaur or not, whether your mother likes it or not - you are NOT on your own, and you DO have choices. Wishing you well, really hoping you'll come back to this site too.
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It's your job now to take care of her? Nonsense! You have every right to decide if you want that job. No one can require it of you.
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A doctor can say she needs 24/7 care, or she can no longer live on her own without help, but he cannot say that YOU have to be the help. Your local agency on aging, or local Alzheimer’s association can start you off on the path. Has your sister visited lately to see what you are dealing with? If not it might be a good idea to ask her to come for a couple of days where moms care can be discussed.
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Terri, the Dr says its your job to take care of her?? That is a bit out of line in my opinion. Your sister in PA works all the time? Can she help out with some money for you to get a break? I agree, get a needs assement and see what help you can get.
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Why do you have to be the one? Area on Aging is a good idea; also, if she has no money, can she get Medicaid and be in a facility? You could see her when you want and bring her stuff if you want, but she'd be physically cared for, without all the expense and wear and tear on you....
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Helpneeditterri
I’m sorry no one has answered you earlier.
Have you contacted your Area Agency on Aging to see what services may be available for your mom? Perhaps your mom’s medication needs an adjustment to help her sleep. Most of us behave badly without sleep. I imagine she’s no exception. I’m really sorry she has this terrible disease and you have the job of dealing with her. Go on YouTube and watch Teepa Snow videos to see if that will help you. I know it’s a lonely job that feels thankless at times. Come back and give us updates when you can. Make that call tomorrow to see if you can find help. Hugs to you Terri.
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