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When I say something, she says she hears fine, but she doesn't.

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Yes, my mother is very hard of hearing. I brought up the issue of wearing a hearing aid and she was so angry that I never asked her again. I find it annoying to repeat a question several times. When I speak louder she gets angry at me for yelling. It is difficult to have any conversation with her. I have to use short sentences and ask her if she heard me. She will nod that she did, but I am not certain and ask her to repeat what I said and then the truth comes out that she didn't hear me. It is very frustrating. Between my mother and my husband, who is also hard of hearing, I just want to give up. I don't have a solution to your situation because it is so hard when someone does not want to help themselves with their care. I did use a white board to write questions, but my mother also has trouble seeing so that didn't work out. Best of luck to you.
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My Mom's hearing is bad, even WITH hearing aids. But, that is NOWHERE NEAR as frustrating to me as Dad's "selective hearing". I used to think Mom was an awful, screechy, mean person for yelling at him all the time. But, now I realize that is truly the ONLY way to get his attention. I can be the only person in the room and there is NO other noise, but I'll ask him a simple question "Dad, are you ready for lunch?" and will get no answer. Then it's "Dad....are you ready for lunch?" and then, "Hello? Dad, are you there?" and then "DAD!! and he'll finally say "what?" then I have to repeat the question again two more times. Sometimes, when it's a statement, instead of a question, like "Dad, we're leaving for your doctor appt in an hour", he'll say "ok" , but 15 min before it's time to leave, I'll find him sitting in front of the tv or asleep, and he hasn't gotten dressed or shaved yet. grrrr........
I'm certain he has some form of ADD because his hearing has been tested and retested by the experts and by me. When he's "tuned in", he can hear me from another room, or with the noise of traffic in a car when I'm in the front while he's in the back of the car. He's much more likely to hear conversations about him than those directed TO him. And he's more likely to "hear" men of high authority/status, or beautiful women giving him attention and flattering him.
Mom rarely says anything to him anymore; I think she just gave up.
It's enormously aggravating.
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I'm fairly positive my 90 yo dad hears what he wants to hear. He always has to have things repeated and we got him wireless headphones for his TV. He wants everything repeated and I have gotten to when he says "what?" to what I say, I just say back...."you heard me!" And most of the time he did and I don't have to repeat it.
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That's a tough one - my dad was VERY hard of hearing from decades of working in manufacturing plants in the days before hearing protection was a thing. He never did go and get a hearing aid, preferring to keep the TV up load, and say "eh?" to everything that was said. His parents went stone deaf in their later years as well, so part of it was probably hereditary, but the factory work didn't help.
We tried and tried to get him to get a hearing aid, but I think it was a pride thing.  He just wouldn't do it. 
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I am new to this. I dont dont how to answer individually
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Thanks everyone! I am so glad i signed up! These are things I only want to talk about with others going thru the same thing. @Rosyday Thanks. My husband has hearing loss. last year he was fitted with hearing aids. I see such a difference! I know my Mom is missing alot
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I am 63 and noticing a decline in my own hearing. I plan to have it tested soon. If I need an aide I will wear one. It takes time to adjust to one. Our parents seemed to want instant and perfect results. I am learning from my mother what NOT to do. My mother would not use a cane when she became very unsteady. She would not go to PT or do it at home. Now she's in wheelchair. Some people must use a wheelchair, but mom gave up on walking in her 60s. It was easier...for her. Not for my Dad r for me. When I started having problems, I used a cane. Still do on occasion but regular workouts have increased my balance and strength. No one will be taking care of me so I have to face reality. I notice the most active people at mom's AL have no children. Sorry for the rant. I'm having a hard time right now and I shouldn't hijack a post. But I did.
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My mom wore a hearing aid for years. Went AL and she lost it. Got her a new one and may have worn it. When she moved over to the SNF I wasn’t present for the move. When I went to get the rest of her things out of her AL apartment, I found the original lost hearing aid.it had been under her recliner. Later on couldn’t find the new hearing aids. Well about one year later we’re in her room and she’s going through stuff in her nightstand..and I open a round container and there were her hearing aids. I told the nurse and she doesn’t want to wear them. It makes conversation really impossible..
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My mother's hearing is getting worse and worse. I am chided that she can hear fine if someone looks directly at her and doesn't mumble. I am so tired of repeating everything. So I'm just saying less and less to her. I've read that hearing loss can exacerbate cognitive decline, and so can lack of socialization. The only time my mother gets out of her condo is if I drive her somewhere. So she's accelerating her cognitive decline two ways.

But that's her choice, as she refuses to look into hearing aids and refuses to live in AL where she would have so much more socialization.
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My MIL refuses to wear hearing aids, though she’s had several. It’s sad seeing her constantly missing out on conversation, and it’s beyond frustrating to try to communicate with her. I fully get how you feel, hope your mom will accept some help before she loses all touch with family and friends
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Mbbatt, I've been down that road with my own Mom, and here she wore hearing aides. The problem was every time either Mom or Dad saw an ad on TV for the newest and greatest hearing aide, Mom wanted to try it out. We ran from hearing aid place to hearing aide place.

It was annoying because my Mom's ear doctor told her a couple years ago there wasn't anything more that can be done as her hearing couldn't be fixed. Mom was pretty much "what does he/she know?" about doctors that would say that, being Mom was in her 90's.... [sigh]

I couldn't even write out for Mom what I wanted to communicate with her, because she was now legally blind. We also did the run around with eye doctors and eye glasses.
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You are not alone, my Mom refuses to get her hearing checked. I have to speak loudly. I have to be looking directly at her sometimes for her to understand me. Sometimes I feel so bad talking so loudly sometimes feels as if I am yelling at her. I am working on her, hopefully she will go one day.
Patience.
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Absolutely. My mother has refused to use a hearing aide. I've been pleading for years. Her own sister sold hearing aides!. It got worse and worse. I speak in short sentences. Write some things. Obviously, quality conversion is out. She can't make friends in AL or play cards or go to music sessions or movie night or lectures or church service. Her quality of life has suffered more than I can say. Now she is desperate to hear, but it is too late. Audiologist explained that not only is her loss profound, but she has lost the capacity to process language. Untreated hearing loss also is a risk factor for dementia.
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Sometimes I get frustrated with my grandmother's untreated hearing loss; it's sad to see her missing so much of experiences and conversations going on around her. I've learned to be patient and to do what I can to help, she is much better if she can read lips so I make sure I don't speak to her until we make eye contact.

If your mom is dead-set on not getting treatment then there isn't much you can do besides be as patient as you can. Don't feel too bad about being frustrated though, it can be annoying when someone refuses to accept something so obvious.
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