I'm having a pity party today. Anybody else?

Dear Servinglife,

I hear you. You are loving and amazing daughter for taking on the care of your mom. I know its lonely. And none of us get the validation and acknowledgement we need. I know its hard. And harder still when it feels like the rest of the world is having fun and living their "own" lives while we caregivers are stuck with all the day to day responsibilities.

I've always been a quiet person. And the oldest of my sibling group so I felt responsible for my mom and dad. After my dad's stroke his care escalated. The first two years I didn't even mind but by the third year I was so angry and resentful of the situation. And now that my dad has passed, I am beside myself. I was so consumed with errands that I never took the time to even talk to my own dad. And now its all too late.

I know its hard to find the right balance. But I hope you do. You are doing an honorable thing by taking care of your mom. I'm sorry for the loneliness sometimes and the hardship. I hope you will reach out and see out counseling or a support group. Or access community resources from some respite care.

Thinking of you.

I agree with you all. My thing is I have always loved cooking and experimenting. Also grocery shopping. I finally got my mother back interested in eating. So I involve her somewhat in decision making about what we will be eating. I have always focused on making someone else happy so when I got the empty nest syndrome and started being extracated by my mother and sister it was a wang dinger for me. I always escaped in books and what is my life line now is tv series. I have an app on my phone that gets all the movies and series as they come plus you can get oldies. I look at this every night, every day. There are so so many and they are very entertaining. It would be nice to have real people to associate with. I have a few friends but my experience leaves me trust issues like crazy. I am already dittzy have always been thag way and sensitive. I tend to hold things in and possibly explode. So I avoid prolonged time around people.

I stop and talk and smile and laugh but I cant play the games some people play. The egos and all drive me crazy and I am more sensitive because of my experience with my sister and mother (Narcissist)
So
So I get really into my series and movies, and eating and every now and then I sadly follow a need for chocolate or some good cake. Oh yeah and I love shopping as long as it flows. I also find a very deep satisfaction helping and encourageing someone especially who is broken from pain like I am or was.

I think we have to take that step outward and not let life experience scare us from reaching out.

My reach outs are brief encounters, a talk on train a laugh in a store. Sometime an entire conversation for an hour on a train ride. It also breaks the ice for other because eventually you see other people interested or engaged.

And yes I do have pity parties and it is a sad event. Its then that I try and smile and say hello as I walk down the street or run errands or what ever.
I guess I am lucky to be in NY a large city. With so many people. I feel for you who have relocated. I moved south when my son was about a year. It was so hard no friends, no outlets. I began to see why people down there got so excited when people visited. Most of the people then and even now I think get their socialization through religion.

I can attest to that if you find the right place. Prayer services and meetings can be awesome. I don't have a church. But I will share another thing that helped me unbelievably. I used to call them my boys. Prince, Creflo the other one I cant think right now and he was one of the best :) and Joyce Myers They were preahers on daystar. If you get that one show that make you turn to the tv and say what over and over is this person talking about me. It so real then you get hooked and start looking forward to that daily because it helps and you see it and feel it working.

I know exactly what you mean. I moved here from another state, leaving my old life behind. The ex kept all our stuff, which was mostly things I bought before I met him. Then I moved here to Alabama into a community where everyone is young enough to be my kid or grandkid. I'm politically very active, but am a blue grain of sand on a red beach. I can't talk politics without someone jumping me. I hate football, which is illegal if you live in Alabama. Boy, do I feel out of place here. It has been so long now that I don't know what kind of life I'll be able to put back together. No one ever warned me that caregiving went on forever.

Servinglife, I just need to say I really like your screen name, it pretty much says it all for many of us here :P

Katiekate, I had to read twice to make sure I read it right. You are restoring an old RV? That is really amazing. Honest.

I do have a hobby. Nothing special. Just reading books. Mostly fiction, but I read practically anything. Including travel sites. I always wanted to travel solo across Europe. But I have to postpone it indefinitely. (Sorry, another pity party)

Actually I rarely talk about my mom to my friends. Who would want to hear woe is me on regular basis? That's why I rant here. Occasionally. 😋

Thanks for commenting. I wished we could form that support coffee clatch. Maybe we could talk about RV and planning a month long travel across Europe. 😁

I completely understand.
For most of us, even when the situation is pretty good...like me) the fact of caregiving means social isolation. Sure friends call, but..really....they will stop calling if my only conversation is about Mom and her problems. But, what else do I have in my life? It's only natural to talk about what is happening...that means Mom and her problems.

When I do get out...it is to run errands.

BUT! I have a hobby! I am restoring an old RV. When I get ME time..I go work on it. Sure, it's no a social life (unless you consider hanging out at the RV parts dealer), but it is my sanity.

If only you and others were all close enoug...we could form a support coffee clatch. Bring all the elders together and we take over the patio..(after locking all the doors of course). Ah well, we are all too scattered!

Get a hobby that consumes any time you find yourself able to do something. In the evenings I pour over travel sites and parts catalogs. Keeps me occupied!