Anyone have a backbone I can borrow?

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So my life coach likes to spit out the word "hypersensitive" when she describes me (not sure how I feel about that one), but it seems like anytime I try to delegate responsibilities, I end up feeling caught in the middle. There appears to be a tug of war going on between Hospice and the Adult Day Center. I finally told the Social Worker at Hospice that I could no longer take being involved in the ongoing episodes of "Is Dad's Oxygen Working?" I gave the hospice person the ADC Director's phone number and ended up getting a rather curt phone call from said director. He wanted to know why Hospice was calling him... why they won't physically visit the ADC (It is rather far away), etc. He then proceeded to tell me that Dad's oxygen is empty when he arrives at the ADC in the mornings (which means that there's a breakdown at the AL) and that Dad could be on hospice for years. He then states that hospice is a big old "money racquet". So... once again. I'm BACK in the middle of this. It's a machine with an on switch and an off switch. Why a group of educated adults can't seem to get the damn thing to work among them is a mystery to me. So, I'm going to call hospice and ask them to physically visit the ADC and work this out. Otherwise, I will just have to pull Dad out of the ADC. I know he likes it there, but that piece of the puzzle is becoming unmanageable for ME and I'm NOT going to be in the middle of whatever drama they have going. SHEESH!!!!!! Six more days until Punta Cana. Counting the moments!

15 Comments

Tiny,
Not necessary to borrow a backbone.
Get your dad's doctor to order an oxygen concentrator. There is no O2 tank. It's a machine that sucks in normal air and concentrates the oxygen, returning it to the patient. No one has to check anything (except that it's on!) I believe they will run on batteries for awhile also.

He should also have a pulse oxymeter that fits on his finger to check  his oxygen concentration. $20. on Amazon. It fits in a pocket. His doc will tell you what his reading should be. 

Hope that helps.
time for a 3-way meeting? take notes and assign responsibilities?
Sorry, I can't see why Hospice should be involved in the daycare. I think the problem is the AL. You need to sit down with the Nurse and administrator. Before Dad leaves the Nurse or CNA needs to check his oxygen. He is paying big bucks to be cared for. The Daycare needs to call the AL when there is a problem. The AL is his residence. The ADC should be calling them. Tell the ADC that unless it's an emergency, like Dad being taken to the hospital, then they need to call the AL. I have seen ur post before. I don't understand why Dad needs daycare when he should have socialization and activities at the AL. I understand he likes daycare but if it's going to cause this much problems then I would stop it.
By the way...you r not hypersensitive just overwhelmed. I was retired when my Mom came to live with me. I can't imagine working and handling everything that goes with caregiving. I did the caregiving thing 3x a week. Then Mom went to an AL so I dropped the daycare. Once reason is I would be paying twice for the same services and the cost.
Dad was on a concentrator before, but Hospice switched him back to cylinders. They used a different provider.

And I never thought of having the ADC call the AL directly. Duh!!!

I think some of the "issue" is in Dad's head, too. He HATES the cylinders. He could feel the concentrator vibrating which I think gave him peace of mind. I asked the hospice folks to get Dad his concentrator back. This is ridiculous. Things were much better then.

...and I'm really close to cutting out the ADC. The VA covers it, but as I stated earlier, it seems to be the painful piece of the puzzle. Between the driver issues and the traveling with the oxygen (which is getting harder), it's just not worth the hassle.

Besides, Dad survived the week that the ADC was closed between Christmas and New Year. Maybe pulling him out will force him to get out more. He stays holed up in his room because he doesn't want to wear the tank.

...and I didn't mention that the ADC director told me flat out that he's just not been telling Dad that his oxygen is out, so we don't know how long he's going without it. THAT is reason enough to pull him out of there...
A life coach should not be labeling you with negative titles like hypersensitive. We can't all be a life is perfect guru, say follow me, AND get paid for it! No, really, do you want to be just like your coach?
Next time your guru says don't be so negative (they all subscribe to this), remember that the opposite of hypersensitive may be hypercritical.
No offense meant to life coaches, but are you sure the life coach is not on a power trip?

Wow, where did that come from? Me bad.
Tinyblu, the "thing" now is life coaches. Their job is to pump you up, and that did not happen. A licensed professional counselor who does talk therapy is**so** much better for teaching you how to set boundaries and see how you can grow. It's often covered by insurance too. It's money well spent. Since your dad is on hospice, you might qualify for free talk therapy for grieving family. Definitely something to ask about. But talk therapy is the way to go. Life coaches have no license.

Let day care go. What is not essential for your dad has swallowed up **your** essentials.
I am a big proponent of adult day health centers. I recommend them often, on this forum and in my local support group. My husband got a lot of benefits that I could not provide him at home. He had other adults to talk to and interact with. He had other people to say, "I like the color of your new shirt." He had live entertainment occasionally. There were games and activities he could participate in (or not). It kept him safe, gave me respite, and expanded his horizons a little.

But those benefits should all be available in a care center. The Day programs are a very nice supplement to home care, but I don't see particular benefits to them for people in care centers.

The mere fact that your dad likes going to the Day program is enough reason to continue to send him, other things being equal. But other things are no longer equal. There are drawbacks to this arrangement, so it needs to be re-evaluated.

If you want to advocate for something your father likes, focus on the oxygen tank. If necessary, even consider using a different hospice organization, though I don't think it should come to that.

It is possible that attending ADC is making it less likely that Dad participates in activities right where he is. If dropping ADC and getting him the kind of oxygen thing that gives him confidence would encourage more activity right where he is, that would be a good outcome, don't you think?

Your life coach should read a book on hypersensitivity before she slings terms at people. And I hope you get your O2 problem straightened out.

Oh by the way, not all personnel in the healthcare industry are educated. Far from it.
I think the title "Life coach" is one of those new age terms that doesn't really mean anything. We are all life coaches for that matter when we see a friend or loved one is down we try to lift them up, give them constructive criticism etc. etc. Telling someone they are hypersensitive isn't constructive criticism in my humble opinion. It's good to be somewhat sensitive otherwise you end up being a harda** which is not good. Somewhere in there is a happy medium.

As for the oxygen levels etc., I know nothing about that but sounds like people who do gave you good advice on that.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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