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My dad has Alzheimer’s he is 88 and my mom is 82 and she is having hard time caring for my dad. What is out there that doesn’t cost a lot to help her with cleaning house and helping him with showers, maybe give them advice as to how things could be better during night so she can sleep? He wants her all the time and gets angry if she leaves to go do grocery shopping. Doesn’t want anyone to stay with him to give her time for herself.

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Sounds very similar to my parents, Dad (85) has advanced CHF/vascular dementia and he's having an episode of decompensation now & wants only my Mum (80) running after him. She is becoming ill with the caregiving. He can get very angry & verbally abusive. However, Mum keeps saying she can manage so now I just let them get on with it & be available, they're from the generation of great pride & don't want to cause anyone any bother! We'll see what happens after his hospital visit this week.
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I should get in touch with their local social services (Area Agency on Aging or similar) and ask their advice - these professionals are usually best placed to know what is available and how to go about getting hold of it. With your mother's agreement, they could carry out an assessment too.

I would take this situation very seriously. We're told that up to one in three caregivers dies before the person he or she is caring for; and given that your poor mother is 82 and currently unable to rest or sleep I would have thought that she must be at even higher risk - and then what will become of your father? I don't mean to depress or frighten you; but if your mother is reluctant to seek help and be firm about it, that might be a point of view you could tactfully put to her.

Meanwhile, and just for your own information perhaps, have you had a look at what sort of facilities might be a possibility for your father if/when the time comes? Or for respite care? It's good to get the details together in advance so that if anything happens that makes the home situation impossible you already know where to start.
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