Why do we chose to do bad things we know better?

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Specifically: Why do we choose to do hurtful things to others, things that were done to us that we swore we would never do? Even after we are older, have had therapy and worked on it for years and supposedly aware of these issues? How do we purge the mind and heart of doing and saying hurtful things?

Answers 1 to 10 of 29
Isn't it like the woman who is abused by her husband, gets divorced from him and turns around and marries another abuser? I guess it's what she's used to, it's a comfortably uncomfortable place to be. To move away from what she knows, would be too scary. I know someone thinks that make sense, to me it's too weird.
You definitely get people to pay attention to you. You are very alone and maybe this is your way to get everyone's attention. Having grown up in a loving family with lots of siblings and 2 loving parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins, I can't even begin to imagine the horrors you have been through. Some of us are made stronger by bad memories and some of us never get over them. I hope talking about this will help you find the answers you are looking for.
Top Answer
J, I have been into psychotherapy for 10 years and I know something about the problems of growing up. ( I did not go to a psychologist, I went to a "psychiatrist" - good and strong analysis). I had so many practical problems since then, that I have become a practical person. My poor and simple opinion is that this is not the place to talk about God, or sex, or other subjects that trigger strong reactions in other people. (Who overreact because they are stressed) There is a whole world out there to confront ourselves at any level. And we better do it!)
This is a place where we should find support and suggestions about our problems in dealing with ill relatives. I read many things here that are useful for me, and I am sure you read many things here that were useful for you, I felt less alone in dealing with the problems I have with my mother. Did you feel less alone? I hope so.
This is the only thing that is important to me and I focus on that. It seems to me you have taken many different directions (and you are still doing it. This is another thread that has nothing to do with this site).
I say this FOR YOU. For me, it's not a problem. If I am fed up with hearing people quarrel about God or whatever, I don't read the post and I pass to another one which is more interesting for me.
I will make you an example: If I need to buy an apple, I go to a fruit seller and I buy an apple. But if you (Jsome) go to a fruit seller and you ask for a steak, or a bycicle, or a washing machine, 1) you will not find it 2) the fruit seller will ask you: Why don't you go to another shop? I sell fruit, here, and he finally will get angry if you insist 3) You will miss the opportunity to eat the apple!
Which is basically the reason why you went into that store.
I think I have told you what I wanted to tell you. I'm not against you, but I have not the strength to do more than writing this post! It has taken me half an hour to write it.
There are many people here who are ready to help you, me included (as I am receiving a lot of help!) But you cannot help a person that does not accept the help she is receiving!.

If people want to leave this site, it's their choice, whatever is their opinion, whether are religious or not religious.
Thank you for getting back to me on that. Maybe it doesn't apply to the site either. But it is sort of part of my life and I am here in a similar situation. But Your are right Rosella, this isn't a place to buy an apple. I see that. I think I always knew it. I think I will just be like the woman who came and told us "we were all pests to not glory in poop of a loved one and miss the moments." She just went away too. Thank you everybody, I am sorry I have been such a pain. It is my problem and I should not have foisted it on others in here.
You are not a pain. According to me, you should just redirect your focus. By the way, I will never say that I glory in a poop of a loved one... That's just too much
No no from before, just sort of she intoned that it was wrong to be grossed out by stuff because it meant we were I don't know missing the bigger picture. I am not sure she actually used the word glory but I swear she said love...
my focus now is suicidal. But nothing will come of it. Just really tired here. Grp had dr ap. no idea, but he is out mumbling at every frickin word on the TV now, mom go this money from the bank...wish i could steal it and just run away....
Gotta go do something positive for a bit here.
Yes, apart from the words, the idea is that one cannot possibly be happy to deal with poop and mental degeneration. I'll miss my mother if she dies before me, but I won't miss this part of her life. (and my life)

J you have a lot of good years in front of you. Believe it!
Rossella is right J ! You just have to believe in yourself.
I hope so, but I have to give to get as well. I have to just move on and turn off the crap and find some positivity somewhere.

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