I am done with caregiving - I want out - told mom I hate her and wish she were dead - Worst of all I meant it.

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Mom has dementia. I have been her care giver for years now. I have given up everything. I have nothing. I live in her house that is on a reverse mortgage so when she goes so does it. I have nothing in any savings to even move out. My SSI will not be enough to make it on my own. I have finally asked two things of her - Take you pills (and on time) and Take a shower. She stinks so bad I gage if I get near her. She has now broken the forth microwave. I have given all my money into keeping her and her house and he things in clean working order. It stated raining today so a tent is not going to be easy. I need to get out of here. I really mean it when I say I hate her. She yells at me and tells me she does things that she has not done. You have all been there to some degree but I want a life. I am 63 and damaged from cancer and have little of my own. I have little time to have a life. Everyone in this family seems to think I can take care of it all. I am done............................She won't take a shower - if she doesn't take her yellow pill she will hit people - this is NOT my mom and I can't stand this person that her brain has made


I can hear you are at the end of your rope which is understandable given no help from the rest of your family and what you have had to put up with along with your own health and life challenges. Is there any way to get her into a nursing home? .
It is going to be a fight and I am desparately trying to get all of my stuff out of this house but I have been here for 20 years so it is not as easy as it sounds. I must do it before some state person or the bank or whatever comes in and tries to say it is hers. I feel so bad. I really do love my mom but this person and the blood sucking son of mine have me in a spot. If I could pay someone to be here watching her so I could get something done before she distroys something else it would be nice. She stinks so bad I can't even get near her to let the 'mom' person know that I care. I have to save what I have and still work around this brainless thing in my mom's body.
call your local area agency on aging and see if they have a counselor who could come out and help you with the details of getting your mother into a nursing home and/or help getting a personal care assistant that could come 3 days a week or so to give your mother a shower. If she won't do it on her own, she needs someone to do it for her --you certainly don't want to end up with a scabies infestation. FYI: with a reverse mortgage you usually have 6months to 1 year to sell the home to repay the mortgage after the owner has either passed away or moves permanently out of the home, if you are lucky there will be some equity difference which would go to your mother or her estate.
I am so sorry for you and your Mom.
Most communities have low-income rentals for seniors and you probably qualify for that. Call them NOW to inquire and get on their wait list. If your mom falls down call 911 and tell them you heard a "snap" like her hip broke. If she hits you call 911 and tell them she's assaulted you. They should be willing to haul her to the hospital for a mental health consult. Once she's there tell the social service staff, the nurses, the doctor - any and all of them - that she can't g0 home. Tell them you are moving out and that she must be committed to a nursing home. Tell them you WILL NOT be her medical power of attorney or legal guardian.

Then go home and start packing. Even though there is a reverse mortgage on the house, you'll have some time to vacate before it's put up for sale. Best of luck.
My mom also has dementia. I recently called my county department of aging and they are providing home care for when I'm at work and Adult Day Care. The home care aid can help with showers and meals and also some cleaning. They even pay for respite care. Do you have a department of aging in your county or state? I'm sure they could help you.
Please take the advice given above this is simply too much for you to handle and if you do not speak up you will go under-start with your dept. of aging and be firm that you can not stay in that situation any longer-let us hear from you we care about you and do understand.
I'm not even in the boat you are in and I wish that mum would go ahead and die either by another heart attack or one of her seizures, I don't care how. I just wish that she would go ahead and die.
I agree with all the advice I'm reading about getting others involved, like the dept. of aging or whoever, even if you have to force the issue by calling 911 when she gets abusive. Keep in mind that in a situation like this, if you don't approach the authorities first and something does happen, YOU might be found to be abusive or irresponsible to her, Social Services takes adult protective services seriously, as they should, but sometimes they cannot tell what is really going on and it is up to you to initiate some kind of official activity while things are at this point. And remember that it is ALWAYS OK to care for yourself first.
I am so sorry to hear your pain. Maybe it is time for you to place your mother in a nursing home. This way she will be well provided for and your can still over see her care, and have your life back. It is not selfish on your part to take this step. You tired to keep your mother home, but her needs are more then you can handle alone. You have to think of your own health as well. I am praying that the Lord will put you in the right direction in getting the right help for your mother and for yourself. God Bless you.

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