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You get the gold star for the day from me. I'm learning to deal with stress since I now take care of my Mother. Thank goodness that she's not nearly in as bad of condition as some here are. That may be in my future. I need to train to handle stess successfully now. Eddie's suggestions are a great prescription. Definitely get help. It's out there. Anyone who will offer you five minutes of self-time or any other help is really an angel in disguise. Take the offer and stay sane.
I went into this thinking, "Oh, I can do this." No, not alone. It takes a team.
I learned to deep breathe from your diaphram often to control stress surges.
Remember, that a real friend is one who listens to what you are saying and honestly cares about your problems. Anyone who does not is NOT your friend.
Getting my dad out of Rehab and into his new assisted living community apartment is my main objective. Selling his house can wait for a later time. Set objectives for yourself one at a time. As each one is met, your stress will diminish and by all means, find that real friend and have a good talk or cry. Even us men need it and I am not embarrased to say that.
I used to feel guilty for taking time to myself, but I've learned to let that go. I don't like the fact that my mom gets upset when I am not there, but I know that I need a break. At first I couldn't enjoy my breaks because I felt bad for taking the time for myself. Now I can enjoy my time away and come back less stressed and able to keep going for a while longer.
Good luck!
I've gotten better at this whole thing for very brief moments.Then it seems I start from square one again.At any given moment I can burst into tears,hopefully no one sees this,and at other times I want to go climb a tree and perch like the coocoobird I feel like.One thing is certain,even though my husband has 5 brothers and 5 sisters,we are the only ones committed to giving his mom and brother the best care we are able to afford,which is me mostly and him on desperate days.
Still I know that if this were my mom,he'd show the love and patience,I try to express with his mom,and brother.It's not ever going to get easy but you can learn by your own mistakes and your victories,just how to continue your jouney.
For years my answer to stress was a nice, cold Budweiser. ... And another, and another. Took me a while to realize that when you're running from yourself there's no place to hide. Nowadays, negative stress is NOT an option for me. It doesn't matter whom, it doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter where. Anyway, this is what works for me:
(1) When facing a stressful situation, I check with my brain first and ask myself if it's really worth it. I find a way to "respond" appropriately rather than "react" and jump at any little thing. In other words, I choose my battles carefully.
(2) As caregivers, time is a luxury we don't have much of. Instead of running around like a chicken without a head, I make priority lists and assign a degree of importance: "Earthshaking," "Urgent," "Extremely Important," "BS That Can Wait For Later," etc.. Time management is of the essence.
(3) No matter what, if you don't take care of yourself you're going to be useless; to your partner, your kids, whomever. If you find yourself lashing out at your pets or contemplating the idea of running naked down the street in the middle of the night, all the while speaking in tongues, it's time for a straight jacket. You're burned out.
(4) You're not Superwoman. As Naheaton said, get some help. You can't do it all; even when you feel you do. Practice delegating responsibility and use all the resources at your disposal. If you have no idea how to go about it, make a list with two columns: WHAT I HAVE and WHAT I NEED.
Dare to reclaim your life!!! And get those defeatist lines like "It's out of my hands" out of your vocabulary. ... Find a way to be in control without being a monster about it. If someone calls you a "B---CH," just say thank you. It means "Babe In Total Control of Herself." After all, you're in charge.
Good luck.
-- ED
In addtion to what the others mentioned above, you also need to pace yourself. When I first started this journey I was doing EVERYTHING for my Mom. After nearly burning out, I finally figured out what her needs were...her wants come when I have the time. That, along with finding this forum, saved my sanity.
The support offered on this website is a life saver...so many knowledgeable people who are willing to share their advice and experiences despite being fulltime caregivers....still amazes me!
I try to carve out as much time as I can to just rejuvenate...sometimes that just means staying still for more than a few minutes and reading, reflecting, or praying. It is what gets me through. Whatever you do, do not let the stress start effecting your health...that is a clear signal that things must change.
Good luck
Lilli
Whatever you enjoy, when you can get away....do that. Something that gives you peace. Not excitement, but peace.
Take a step back & breathe.